Women Are a Foreign Culture

That is how you should approach them. 

As a coach, I often get while talking to men that they think Women are too emotional, illogical, unreasonable, disrespectful, and often right down …crazy (Sorry). Gee, I wonder why we have problems.

Funny thing is, Men will describe themselves as “not that complicated” and easy to understand.

Well, that’s not true. There are very complex things that have Men function in very specific ways that are not obvious at all…especially to Women.

So, for Men to discard Women’s reactions or feelings as erratic or illogical is as helpful as saying “Men are stupid because they can only do one thing at a time.”

Men, I’m here to tell you that if you don’t understand Women’s actions and behaviors, you are setting yourselves up for a world of pain. I’m sure you’ve experienced some of this with Women already. Think about the past for a minute… ever asked yourself, “What is wrong now?” or “Now she’s not talking to me, and I have no idea why!” Right?

Then you ask, “Are you okay?” and she answers, “ I’m fine” when she obviously isn’t, but now you think she’s playing games and you get annoyed. You ask her one more time a little more frustrated than before. She gives you the same answer… now you’re mad and neither leave the room nor the house.

Men, when it comes to Women, I suggest that you approach the whole thing like you would if you had to do business in a foreign culture (BTW it’s equally as important for Men to approach Women like this, as well).

Let me explain.

If you were to fly into Asia for business, you would find a hundred “codes of behaviors” that do not apply to our Western world ways. Does that mean that these codes are insignificant or that they are not important? No. They may be odd to you and me, but if you want to succeed in Asia, you better learn the culture, traditions, and communication styles – both business and personal if you want a chance to succeed in that culture on any level. It’s obvious, right? Studying their cultural style and their “ways” before even going there would be very smart and respectable…and the best way to a successful transaction, deal, or experience.

That’s exactly how you want to approach Women. You must know what works for Women in order to succeed with Women (and yes, they have to learn about you, too). Knowing how Women function, how their feelings run the show, and why they operate the way they do, is the loving and respectful way to be with Women. It’s also the way to get anything and everything you want and need from Women.

Do I have your attention?

Men, you have the power to turn Women into sweet, fun, respectful and loving, feminine creatures and to have them support you the way you want them to when you understand how they function and what works for them… can you beat that?

Have you noticed that the things that are important to you and that motivate your actions really don’t line up with the things that are important to her and motivate her? I mean…not even close!

The problem is when we, Men, don’t understand Women, we often try to fix or manage them like Men. Which never works…have you noticed?

We want Women to be straightforward, cool-headed, emotionally predictable, and to not take things personally…well that’s all fine but that’s not a woman…that’s your buddy.

If you want even and predictable…hang with your boys. But that won’t bring you closer to understanding women.

Not understanding or valuing women’s emotions will have you to lose every time.

Telling her to stop feeling what she’s feeling won’t get you far either… you’re more likely to end up in the doghouse again wondering what happened.

You see, Women are giant “orgasmotrons.” Everything they see, hear, smell, taste, and touch make them feel good or bad. On the spot, immediately. Moment to moment, how she feels is how she experiences life and that is her inescapable reality…ALL THE TIME!!!

They have no choice about this, it isn’t a decision… it just is.

A woman must feel good to do good, A man must do good to feel good.

Complete opposition, completely different machines.

If Men need to be respected by Women to be good in the world, then a smart, caring Man generously will learn to cherish women’s feelings as much as he can regardless of how illogical, irrational, and ever-irritating it may seem for Men. This is not easy or obvious to you, but it works.

Do this and Women will show up in your world with love, grace, femininity, and connection in a way you have never imagined possible.

Andre

Men Are a Foreign Culture

That is how you should approach them.

As a coach, I often sense while talking to women that they feel men are shallow or lack depth because they usually don’t talk very much, or when they do, it’s filled with data and cold facts, which must mean that they’re not very deep or caring either, right? Wrong!

Ladies, I’m here to tell you that if you don’t understand Men’s actions and behaviors, you are setting yourselves up for a world of hurt. I’m sure you’ve experienced this with Men already. Think about the past for a minute, ever asked yourself, “What was he thinking?” or “I can’t believe he did that (or said that)!” Right?

Then you call your girlfriend to try to figure out what that all meant…. but your girlfriend doesn’t have a Man’s brain. She doesn’t think or operate like a Man; she operates and thinks like you. So how will that help you understand Men? You are both most likely to come to the worst conclusion that will be off by a mile from what your Man’s true reasons were to begin with.

When it comes to Men, I suggest that you approach the whole thing like you would if you had to do business in a foreign culture (BTW it’s equally as important for Men to approach Women like this, as well).

Let me explain.

If you were to fly into Japan for business, you would find a hundred “codes of behaviors” that may not apply to our Western world ways. Does that mean that these codes are insignificant or that they are not important? No. They may be odd to you and me, but if you want to succeed in Japan, you’d better learn the culture, traditions, and communication styles – both business and personal if you want a chance to succeed with that culture on any level. It’s obvious, right? Studying their cultural style and their “ways” before even going to the country would be very smart and respectable… and the best way to a successful transaction, deal, or experience.

That’s exactly how you want to approach Men. You must know what works for Men in order to succeed with Men (and yes, they have to learn about you, too). Knowing how Men function, how they think, and why they operate the way they do, is the respectful way to be with Men. It’s also the way to get anything and everything you want and need from Men.

Do I have your attention?

Ladies, you have the power to have Men show up the way you need them to when you understand how they work and what works for them…. can you beat that?

Have you noticed that the things that are important to you and that motivate your actions really don’t line up with the things that are important to him and motivate him?

The problem for Men is when Women feel that their way is “the way”. To a Woman, if it feels wrong…it’s wrong!

Women can often be self-righteous about how Men “should” behave or what they “should” be like or care about in life.

This is typically not intentional– it’s just how it occurs. The problem lies in what it does to Men.

Women believe that Men should be sweet and kind and talkative AND connected to their feelings and emotions and …really??? No, that is a girlfriend. That’s what works for you… not him.

If you want a girlfriend, get a girlfriend.

If you want a Man, learn the culture of Men. There, you will find things like honor, integrity, accountability, respect, and loyalty, just to mention a few (yes, some men are broken or don’t live by these traits, but most do.)

These guys don’t play games– they take responsibility for themselves and their actions and choices, they know who they are, and they are looking for women who get them. Not women who make them wrong.

You can be attached to how Men “should” be…. or you can discover how great Men “can” be…and/or you can say you’re right and be alone.

Unlike popular belief, men think about everything, all the time. Yep!

This is because men hold themselves accountable for everything that they do. Big and small. Yes! Men pride themselves in what they do …and the processing of every decision is lengthy and profound. Men will process a thought or decision slowly and deeply and will eventually come out with a decision that may have taken hours or even days to get to. Yes, days sometimes.

Some women have figured this out and seem to get all the goodies with Men. You’ve seen them.

These women typically have put some effort into understanding the culture of Men… so that they can win and be in partnership with Men.

They have figured out how to operate in that culture and respectfully negotiate their wants and needs. By understanding and respecting the culture they get the best of Men and get to be cherished by all Men in the process.

Win-win. Isn’t that the point?

Andre

 

Why Do Men Seem To Just Want Sex?

Short answer: we don’t! Most good men are indeed interested in building long-term relationships based on trust, love, and commitment.

Then why does it seem that men are only interested in sex?

This may be because modern women have made it more accessible than ever. For the women who are looking for that long-term relationship, what they should realize when searching for a man, is that in order for him to want to protect you and cherish you for life, he must EARN your love. A good man will know that he is YOURS because he EARNED your love and respect, and your trust and affection. That makes YOU the valuable woman he will want to take care of. This is one MAJOR way men respond to women.

Men looking for long-term relationships are ultimately attracted to VIRTUE…not VAGINAS.

I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I didn’t make this up. If you give him “love” (sex) before he “earned it” you often will kill his momentum towards wanting to PROVIDE, PROTECT and CHERISH you. Yes, quick sex usually stunts his emotional investment in you at that moment.

In other words, sex will have him show up with his penis before his mind and stop him from connecting with his heart to go further emotionally. If you’ve been with a man for years and he has no desire to marry you, guess what may be going on. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care for you, but he may just be hanging out until he finds a woman who values herself more. He will be a lot more willing to earn that woman’s love.

Ouch!

This will leave you with a guy who loves to roll around naked…and doesn’t have to do anything for you because he never had a chance to truly WANT TO, because of his lack of emotional attachment. Get it? Same guy with two different results because you slept with him too quickly.

The modern woman has been conned into thinking that sex will get men close to them and then he’ll fall for you…. but it doesn’t happen that way for most men. Author Tracie McMillan says it best: “It’s like working a temp job hoping you’ll get hired full time because you’re so valuable. Hum No! You’re a temp!”

Your need for intimacy may be the killer pill.…can you see it?

Boys, not men, will love you for the easy, quick, free sex, but these guys will never truly take care of you.

They just won’t and they don’t want to.

Think back and look over your history with men. Can you spot them? They get what they want without working for it and/or having to earn your love. They hang out for a while…then disappear. Boys do not want the responsibility for your happiness. A good man will.  (You should read that phrase again). It becomes a problem when your relationship with a good man goes down the toilet. You often feel used, resentful, and angry and you’ll blame him for the downfall.

This situation is created without knowing what you triggered with the quick sex in the first place. Sex after the third or fourth date is too fast to build something on (unless sex is all you want, then go for it). He got lucky. That’s what he’ll tell his friends. Quick sex will get his attention and he’ll stick around for more… because Hell, you’re easy! Unfortunately, it will usually not get you his affection. Not long-term. You’re a temp!

I think the worst of all is what happens to these young women each time they have casual sex or hook up. A small part of them– a piece of their heart, goes away with that guy. I want to make this clear…Ladies, when you have sex, a piece of your heart goes away with that guy when he leaves. Stay with that for a moment… So eventually, in the name of freedom and easy sex, women, who buy into the idea of extreme sexual liberation, end up feeling empty, used up, betrayed, and cannot trust or be vulnerable anymore. Worst of all… they cannot fall in love.

Virtue may be old-fashioned, but a good man– a man of character, looks for it. He will always hope for sex, for that’s most likely why he’s on a date with you in the first place. But if you hold back, he will have a chance to get his heart involved and see you as a woman who has boundaries and respect for herself. He will see you as a woman who can resist his charms and efforts to woo you out of your clothes. THAT is attractive to a man looking for a long-term relationship. A virtuous woman is safe for him to build a future with, and spend his energy, time, and resources on.

Sure, biologically speaking, men tend to have a greater sex drive than women do. But men aren’t just looking for sex all the time unless, of course, that’s the first thing that you choose to give them.

-Andre Paradis

How to Kill A Man’s Attraction

What does it take to kill a man’s attraction? 

In my coaching practice, I often hear about things that my clients do to try to win a man’s attention and affection that make me cringe knowing what occurs for men in those instances.

Though these women are totally well-intentioned in doing these things, their actions have a completely adverse reaction on the men that they desire. This is hugely important ladies. What you tend to do naturally to him or for him, you

What you tend to do naturally to him or for him, you do, because it would work perfectly well on you. These things would make you feel connected and close to him.

If a man did this to you…. YOU WOULD LOVE IT !!!

The problem is, what works for you actually pushes him away.

Here’s how:

Have you ever done these things when you were attracted to a man?

-Initiated contact, text, email, or social media, because you wanted him to know you were thinking of him or were wondering if you’d see him soon?

-Made plans for him to show you care: Picked the restaurant, planned a date, cleaned his house, dropped his dry cleaning, walked his dog while he slept in?

-Gave him advice. You know, spent hours talking, listening to his problems, and offering “analysis” of what you think he needed to do or feel better in life?

-Bought him cute gifts, offered back rubs, and performed a variety of “nice” gestures so he could feel loved and connected to you?

-Told him that you were the only one who truly gets and understands him?

-Said “I love you” before he did?

Now you may be wondering, “How can any of this be a turnoff? These are all wonderful, caring things to do for someone.”

Right? WRONG!!!

These things are wonderful for women but repel men. Especially in the beginning stage of the relationship.

Next thing you know…he starts feeling and acting distant, calls and texts less and less, and eventually, he’s gone.

Now you are wondering if there is maybe something wrong with you.

Why do they keep disappearing?

As a man, it is easy to understand why this happens.

You see, men are internally motivated. What this means is men do exactly whatever they want to do and are not very interested in explaining themselves or their reasoning. That is the core of being a Masculine being. So, a masculine man, who likes you and wants to be with you or build something with you, will naturally and automatically put energy and effort toward you. He will reach out, call, text, make plans to see you, and take you out. All along gauging how being around you feels to him, how good he feels with you, how fun you are, how compatible with his values or lifestyle you are. If you “get” him (this one is HUGE). This all happens without any effort or manipulation from you. Next, the more he gets to know you, the more he likes you, the more he’s going to want to be around you. Make sense right?

In short, he wants to check if you “get” him (this one is HUGE).

This all happens without any effort or manipulation from you. Next, the more he gets to know you, the more he likes you, the more he’s going to want to be around you. Makes sense right?

Now, if you call him, text him, make plans for you to meet, see a movie, or whatever, you take away his “job” to think about you and make plans for you both. You see… He has to want to be with you for it to “work”. That’s how he builds that internal connection to you. It starts with HIM.

Reach out to him and make plans for him and you kill his “wanting” to be with you. The worst thing about this is if you keep going after him and you make it easy for him to be with you or to “have” you…guess what? You will get his attention but ultimately, you as a woman, will never really know if he really likes you.
He’ll stick around for the sex…sure. No brainer but…what did he really have to do to get you?

This is why you’ll be with a guy for a few weeks or months and all of a sudden …he’s gone. It’s not even that he lost interest…it’s more likely that he didn’t really have it in the first place, or you killed it before he could find out.

He moves on…you are heartbroken. It all really sucks!

This is why you don’t chase MEN…it just doesn’t work!

The BOYS like to be chased. The little boys want you to do all the work. A masculine man DOES NOT! He may be flattered for a moment but next, you are coming after him will be awkward and eventually just irritating. It keeps him from showing up in his natural masculine ways. Men want to feel like men around you.

Ladies, it’s easy: DO NOTHING!

If he likes you…. he’ll come after you. This is hard for you because your instinct to connect is very, very strong…I get it!

Still, DO NOTHING!

This way at least you’ll know when he comes after you that he really likes you.

Works for him, works for you.
Win-Win.

Let the man be the man!

Wow! What a concept huh?

Better yet, focus on being feminine. That’s what he’s attracted to. A feminine woman… not a dude in a skirt. You go after him…. you’re the dude. Masculine men aren’t interested in that!

I can’t say it anymore simply.

-Andre Paradis

The 3 C’s For Deeper Love and Relationships

What are the essentials for long, lasting relationships?

What are the 3 C’s and why are they important?

The 3 C’s are the three elements that are essential for a relationship to work: chemistry, compatibility, and communication. With divorce rates topping 68%, I think it is crucial to talk about these key elements as having good chemistry, compatibility, and communication will bring harmony and peace back between men and women.

Here are the 3 C’s for Deeper Love and Relationships:

  1. Chemistry (Lust)

Chemistry is the first and most obvious element. You and your partner need to be physically attracted to one another in order to be in a relationship in the first place. Chemistry is biological. It happens when your DNA gets excited by the other person’s DNA. It is random but absolutely essential for a long-lasting love connection. Warning: too much chemistry, which will have you believe that you found your soulmate, will not work for a long-lasting love relationship. Too much chemistry will have you want and need this other person so much that you will not be able to stay authentic or levelheaded with that person which will eventually cause a collapse of the relationship, typically in a screaming match. (Just remember last time you thought you found your soulmate, the person that felt that you knew them instantaneously…how long did that last, and did it end?

  1. Compatibility (Like)

Compatibility is the thing that has your lives “lined up” together, so to speak. You need compatibility in order to build a relationship. Things in life that fit both of you. Your values, lifestyles, same ideas on child-rearing, when you share similar beliefs about money. For some people, religions must match to go long term, etc.

  1. Communication (Love)

Communication is what can make or break your relationship. In order to maintain a healthy and long-lasting relationship, having good communication skills is key. This includes how you communicate, make deals, being able to ask for what you want and what you don’t want, and negotiate time, space, money, sex, support, play, chores, and so on.

So, what is the real problem here?

The third element is the one that we fail at the most. Communication. I know it’s not sexy, but it is THE way to successful relationships, as made clear by the numerous amounts of data backing this up that I have studied for years.

I started researching this topic for my own sake and marriage. I didn’t want to be another casualty of divorce. I knew that I was committed to my wife and our future together, but even so, we often ended up in difficult situations that I couldn’t understand.

What was happening that I couldn’t see?

After some research, I came to understand a couple of extremely important things that once understood, really helped me navigate and eventually eradicate those difficult situations.

  1. Men and Women don’t function, feel, need, want, and respond the same way. After learning about the specific way that Women think and act, I realized that it did not line up in ANY way with the way that I think and act at all. Whoa!
  2. I also learned that the way we talk and how and why we choose to talk or share don’t line up either.

What’s going on??? Are we from the same planet? We might as well be different species, as we are in no way a version of each other. I mean, not even close!

Ultimately, regardless of how we differ, we need to embrace these differences and really try to understand the radical gap between Men and Women in order to come together to relate and communicate effectively. Complimentary dynamic is the magic. Not equality…big difference!

Here are some main differences that I would like to leave with you:

Women are all about their feelings, Men don’t trust feelings.

Women connect emotionally with “talking,” Men talk to pass on data, period.

Women have to feel good to do good, Men have to do good to feel good.

Women want to hear all about it, Men don’t want to talk about it.

Women need to feel connected to have sex, Men connect with sex.

Women’s happiness resides in the state of their relationships; all their relationships. Men’s happiness resides in their accomplishments and their ability to provide for and protect their loved ones.

Women get depressed when they feel like all they do is give but that they don’t get back while Men get depressed when they feel no one needs them.

Understanding and sharing these differences is the first step towards creating successful long-lasting relationships. Along with chemistry, compatibility and communication are the most important and the least understood dynamic at hand.

-Andre Paradis

Good Feminism vs. Bad Feminism

From the book: Sex 3.0

Written by J.J Roberts with additional thoughts from Andre Paradis

 

Broadly speaking, there are two types of feminism based on two different map-reads of the word “equality. “The first says that women are as important as men and should not be treated as second-class citizens. I call this “type One” feminism, and it gave birth to such splendid movements as women’s suffrage, in which women fought and died to bring to women all over the world the right to vote and the right to run for office.

“Type One” feminism must also be thanked for campaigning successfully for the political and social reform necessary to give women access to social mobility, jobs and careers, and their own financial security.

Of course, women should have the right to vote and equal access and opportunities in the workplace. Why? Because no authority of any kind has any legitimacy whatsoever unless it serves those who submit to it. It doesn’t matter whether the authority is patriarchal, matriarchal, legal, economic, or governmental.  Painful reminders of the problems of illegitimate authority happen on an almost daily basis.

“Type One” feminism was always bound to succeed because it is just. The battle for the vote and for social mobility and self-sufficiency for women has already been won in modern western society.

But in many countries of the world, the battle is very far from won. Women in Saudi Arabia were only recently given the right to vote and stand in elections starting in 2015. Clearly, Saudi Arabia is much behind the West, but it’s at least making improvements (although the announcement lost its shine when two days later a woman was sentenced to ten lashes for driving a car).

Women still are not legally allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia, and of course, it’s hard to achieve social mobility when you don’t even have physical mobility. The fight in countries such as this will go on, but the outcome will be the same for all of them eventually. Victory for “type One” feminism is inevitable

This brings me to the second map-read of the word “equality,” which says that men and women are the same.

I call this “type Two” feminism.

“Type Two” feminism insists that, apart from a few basic biological differences, gender roles are artificial social constructs propagated by men, who are considered to be the enemy or the oppressors. Thinking of gender roles and biology as artificial social constructs is a self-delusion that can easily be addressed by watching a nature documentary. Of course, the best way to perpetuate self-delusion is to band into tightly-knit Aschian conformity cliques and wield shaming language against those who dare to disagree. That is what “type Two” feminists do.

However, to perpetuate this self-delusion is to perpetuate the idea that the genetic imperatives themselves are artificial social constructs.

Fog Alert:   Misogynist

This word is used to very specifically mean hatred of women.

However, in modern society, it’s been hijacked by “type Two” feminists to mean “you’re not compliant with our agenda” or “you said something I disagree with on the subject of gender and now I feel irritated or angry.” Incidentally, the opposite of misogyny is misandry (the hatred of men). Ironically, many “type Two” feminists are misandrists who indulge in the very thing they claim to decry–hatred of the opposite sex.

If you believe and are perpetuating the idea that the genetic imperatives themselves are artificial social constructs and that men are the enemy, you might be able to see at this point that the “enemy” really is nature itself.

“Type Two” feminism fails both men and women. It fails women because it teaches them to give up their beauty and femininity, which is the very thing that gives them high value to men. It fails men not only because unfeminine women are unattractive to them, but because the battle that “type Two” feminists are waging is a “false flag operation.”

A false flag operation is a military term used to deceive the public.

The nature of the deception is that the hostilities appear as though they’re being carried out by parties other than the real ones involved. “Type Two” feminism is a false flag operation in that it claims the genetic imperatives supplied by nature are actually the evil inventions of men. There never was a “battle of the sexes,” because it is not “type Two” feminists vs. men. The battle is “type Two” feminists vs. nature.

Regardless of whether a society is patriarchal, matriarchal, or of any nature whatever it has to serve the needs of everyone. Any authority has to serve both men and women. The betterment of both men and women should be the ultimate aim of any civilized society. This cannot be achieved by campaigning for the rights of 50% of the population at the expense of the other 50%.

The subjugation of either sex through patriarchy, matriarchy, radical feminism, physical violence, or through any other means is a failure of humanity. Life is not a zero-sum game.

“Type Two” feminism was nothing more than a war to eradicate gender.

It fosters hatred which is not only destructive but flies in the face of nature and common sense.  It’s also why it has no chance of winning and we need to stop this infection from spreading further.


Andre Paradis

Men and Easy Sex: It’s not what you think…again!

The thing that women need to realize when searching for a masculine man is that in order for him to want to protect you and cherish you for life, he must EARN your love. That’s how it occurs in his head. A good man will know that he is YOURS because he EARNED your love and respect, and your trust and affection. That makes YOU the valuable woman he will want to take care of. This is one MAJOR way men respond to women.

Men looking for long-term relationships ultimately are attracted to VIRTUE…not VAGINAS. I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I didn’t make this up. If you give him “love” (sex) before he “earned it” you often will kill his momentum towards wanting to PROVIDE, PROTECT and CHERISH you. Yes, quick sex usually stunts his emotional investment in you at that moment.  In other words, sex will have him show up with his penis before his mind and stop him from connecting with his heart to go further emotionally. If you’ve been with a man for years and he has no desire to marry you, guess what may be going on. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care for you, but he may just be hanging out until he finds a woman who values herself more and he will be willing to earn her love. Ouch!  This will leave you with a guy who loves to roll around naked…and doesn’t have to do anything for you because he never had a chance to truly WANT TO, emotionally. Get it? Same guy with two different results because you slept with him too quickly.

The modern woman has been conned into thinking that sex will get him close to you and then he’ll fall for you…. but it doesn’t happen that way for most men. Author Tracie Mc Millan says it best: “It’s like working a temp job hoping you’ll get hired full time because you’re so valuable. Hum No! You’re a temp!” Your need for intimacy may be the killer pill.…can you see it?

Boys, not Men, will love you for the easy, quick, free sex, but these guys will never truly take care of you. They just won’t and they don’t want to. Think back, and look over your history with men. Can you spot them? They get what they want without working for it and/or having to earn your love. They hang out for a while…then disappear. Boys do not want the responsibility for your happiness. A good man will.  (You should read that phrase again) Worst of all, when it goes down the toilet, you often feel used, resentful, and angry and you’ll blame him. This situation is created without knowing what you triggered with the quick sex in the first place. Sex after the third or fourth date is too fast to build something on (unless sex is all you want, then go for it). He got lucky. That’s what he’ll tell his friends. Quick sex will get his attention and he’ll stick around for more… because Hell, you’re easy!!  Unfortunately, it will usually not get you his affection. Not long-term. You’re a temp!

 

How feminism has everyone losing.

Study explains why college women abandon courtship for hook-ups

This study is from the Institute for American Values.  by Elizabeth Marquardt

A new study into American college girls shows that most young women today have bought into the feminist belief that women should be as free sexually as men are. So they go to parties, get drunk so that they can have casual sex with some guy. They will say “oh my gosh, I was so drunk, I hooked up with so and so…” Perhaps not surprisingly, many noted that being drunk helped to loosen one’s inhibitions and make it easier to hook up. A number of students noted that being drunk could later serve as her excuse for the hook up. 

 A sophomore at Howard University said that “I am kind of learning from a lot of the mistakes that I have made.” At a further extreme, some women saw their future marriage as the reason to experiment widely in the present. A Rutgers University student said, “I think hooking up with different people and seeing what you like and don’t like is a good idea. Because eventually you’re going to have to… marry someone and I’d just like to know that I experienced everything.”

Although it is admirable to take risks and learn from one’s mistakes, these women would probably find it difficult to explain how having your heart broken a few or even many times in your early years — or trying to separate sex from feeling, as in hooking up — is good preparation for a trusting and happy marriage later on.

I think worst of all, what these young women miss is that each time they have casual sex or hook up …a small part of them, a piece of their heart, goes away with that guy. I want to make this clear…Ladies, when you have sex, a piece of your heart goes away with that guy when he leaves. Stay with that for a moment… So eventually in the name of freedom and easy sex, women, who bought into this, end up feeling empty, used up, betrayed, and cannot trust or be vulnerable anymore. Worst of all… they cannot fall in love. Wow!!! Thank you, feminists’ type 2, for screwing it all up for everyone (READ ARTICLE HERE:

https://projectequinox.net/?p=521).

Virtue may be old-fashioned, but a good man, a man of character, looks for it. He will always hope for sex, and that’s why he’s on a date with you in the first place. But if you hold back, he will have a chance to get his heart involved and see you as a woman who has boundaries and respect for herself. He will see you as a woman who can resist his charms and efforts to woo you out of your clothes. THAT is attractive to a man looking for a long-term relationshipA virtuous woman is safe for him to build a future with, and spend his energy, time, and resources on. 

Commitment means building a future for a man. A good man will not do this with a woman he can’t trust to be virtuous. You sleep with him to bring him close and (very often) the exact opposite happens. Nice huh?

Quick sex is partay!!  Nothing wrong with that, but it won’t get you a long-term commitment. Again, look into your past. It’s your choice.

Andre Paradis      Project Equinox

www.projectequinox.net

 

Femininity is a strength not a weakness!

Yes… let me scream it, Ladies…” BEING FEMININE IS A STRENGTH!!!”

 

Femininity is so wonderfully powerful…. especially in men.

What do I mean? One aspect of the masculine paradigm is to resist “the push”. What do you get when you push a man? You get an instant pushback, resistance, tension, and/or… an argument. Pushing always fails for women on a masculine man.
It will leave you feeling disconnected and frustrated if not furious, for both of you. This is a man-on-man approach, and it works for men. Men will calibrate each other and “adjust” the power to function in given circumstances. This does not work for women…it just doesn’t! His resisting and pushing back will make you feel overpowered, dismissed, rejected, or hurt. For him, it’s a knee-jerk reaction. He’ll push back and often walk away, getting away from the pressure.

So, how do you get what you want with men?

Well, how about your best tool – Your femininity… because it WORKS!!!

The feminine approach is to invite action or change…. not tell or demand (Push)

The Art of feminine power is:

“Inviting a man into action or change with your heart, spirit and feminine
energy…. not with the directive and edge of your words.” (Adam Gilad)

Tell him to do or change and he’ll resist. Invite him to do or change and reward him when he does, and you will see wonderful things happen. Men play for points…he won’t be compelled to do much unless he understands what his actions will provide. Those are the points he is looking to score.
Men don’t really want to do or change if they can’t see the value. If they cannot see the reward, the action may seem like a waste of energy. For most men, if there is no win, there is no point. If there is no point, there will be no action. But a man who loves you will do, adjust and change to make you happy.
He is wired that way…and it works wonderfully and… it’s good for you! You will feel connected and cherished by him instead of thinking he’s just a jerk.

Femininity softens men and makes men want to do for you… try it!

Again, invite and reward him, don’t push, demand or challenge. You’ll end up fighting and…losing.

Use your femininity to trigger his instinct to protect and provide, and you win!

Better yet…you both win!

Andre

What do men want?

Isn’t that a loaded question???

Let me give it to you straight and to the point.

Men are looking to be winners in life altogether, moment by moment, day by day, all the time. Compete, conquer, and win is the agenda on some level… always!

That’s what men do.

A good man, a man of character, already has his life “working” which makes him a winner. What he wants then, is to add to his already working life… which is usually… a good woman. Men want to be in relationships but not for the reasons women want a relationship.

This is what men want:

A good man is looking for someone to enhance his life, to empower him on his mission, and to support him in living his life’s purpose…. BAM!!! That’s it!

A good man’s life is already working, so why would he want to give that up??? He doesn’t want to feel trapped, made wrong, nagged, pushed to change, or emasculated…that’s ridiculous! These are all signs that he’s losing, completely going against his nature.

He is looking for a woman who will help him live his purpose, build a future and a life, and often, a family. That’s what a good woman looks like to men.

Yes!! a woman who gets that, a woman who “gets him”, respects him, loves him, and supports him on his journey…. whatever that may be, will give him the power to win in life. Her support will help him build, conquer and WIN! It’s good for him and it’s good for her.

So obvious to him…maybe not to her but here it is. That’s what good, healthy men want…and, these men are everywhere!!! You just have to see them for who they are…not what you want them to be. A version of your best girlfriend he will never be.

If you know and do what works for men…. everyone wins and… he will cherish you for life!

Andre Paradis

Men, women and the natural flow

Throughout mankind’s history, men being driven to protect and provide for women lived through danger, risk, urgency, and sacrifice. All this is driven by the high levels of testosterone men have in their bodies and such activities create massive amounts of dopamine…ah yes! Men’s favorite feel-good drug.

This kind of lifestyle allowed women the space for children, having the time to raise them, support other women, participate in the community, and feel connected, Feeling connected and “part of” created massive amounts of oxytocin, ah! There it is….women’s favorite feel-good drug.

This created a system where men were happy to work hard and even do crappy jobs to provide for their families.
Imagine the life of a miner, for instance, dirty, stifling, dangerous work for a paycheck. In exchange at the end of a long day, the wife would cook and provide a comfortable home for him to rest and raise his family. This made hard work worth it. There was also a huge amount of pride in this for men and they felt respected by their women and community for their efforts.

In today’s world where women are providing for themselves, this formula falls short. Both men and women are feeling the impact. Women run around trying to be superwoman and do it all, only to often feel overwhelmed, underappreciated, and drained.

Ugh! Nothing lovely or good comes from a drained woman. Men are overlooked for their efforts and often minimized, emasculated, and right down disrespected for who they are.

Nice!

This created a new reality where men, not being respected for their efforts, stop doing what they were willing to do and sacrifice for. Women now, experience men as being unsupportive, shallow, and self-centered. Wonder how this happened??? Can you see it?

Now, women, this is for you,
Men who aren’t needed will walk away from you. Men need to be needed. Men suffer from depression when they don’t feel needed. It’s in his DNA. It is primal and it is nature.

Women need to feel safe…but how will you ever feel safe if you refuse or deny men’s help and allow yourselves to be vulnerable. (Scary, I know, especially when you are raised to be tough)
When and if you allow a man’s support and care, when and if you allow a man to DO for you, you will effortlessly slip into your femininity, which men LOVE and cherish. You will feel the tension of being a superwoman fade a little. You will have more space for generosity and love for the ones near you and YES! Men will step up, YES! men will provide and protect you and YES! men will make you feel seen and safe. A safe woman has access to love and all good things are possible from there.

This idea may seem old fashion and obsolete, but nature knows best. Going along with your chemistry will always feel better to your body and to your heart. Going against it will leave you feeling worn out and disconnected from yourself and your spirit.

Overgiving women burn out, under giving men are needy and selfish.

Nature wants men to be giving and women to be receiving. Right down to our bodies. (just look down)

It’s how it’s designed and it’s what worked for millennia.

This won’t change anytime soon even with all the education and evolution we believe raise us above all this…Nope! The default system still overrides the downloads and new apps.

Hope this makes you think.

Andre Paradis

Project Equinox

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