The effects of trauma in relationships


Trauma can have a significant impact on love relationships. When individuals experience trauma, such as war, natural disasters, assault, abuse, neglect, violence, or witnessing death, it can cause significant fear, confusion, helplessness, or dissociation. The effects of trauma can manifest in various ways in love relationships

Here are some examples of responses and how to deal with trauma triggers in a relationship.

  1. Trust and intimacy issues: Trauma responses in relationships can lead to difficulties in trusting others and forming intimate connections. Individuals who have experienced trauma may struggle to let their guard down, fearing vulnerability and potential harm. This can make it challenging to establish and maintain deep emotional connections with their partners.
  2. Emotional reactivity and triggers: Trauma can cause individuals to become easily triggered into states of distress or fear. Certain situations or behaviors from their partner may unintentionally remind them of the traumatic event, leading to heightened emotional reactivity3. These triggers can cause tension and miscommunication in the relationship.
  3. Communication difficulties: Trauma can impact an individual’s ability to effectively communicate their emotions and needs. They may struggle with expressing themselves or may withdraw and shut down during difficult conversations. This can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and difficulties in resolving conflicts within the relationship.
  4. Emotional numbing and detachment: In some cases, trauma can result in emotional numbing or detachment. Individuals may struggle to connect with their own emotions or empathize with their partner’s emotions. This can create a sense of distance and emotional disconnection within the relationship.
  5. Trauma bonding: In certain instances, individuals with traumatic histories may be drawn to partners who have similar experiences. This is known as trauma bonding, where shared trauma can create a bond between individuals. While this bond may initially provide a sense of understanding and support, it can also perpetuate negative patterns and unhealthy behaviors within the relationship.

It’s important to note that the effects of trauma in relationships can be complex and vary from person to person. Seeking professional help, such as therapy to learn how to deal with trauma triggers in a relationship can be beneficial in addressing the challenges it poses to all your relationships.

-Andre Paradis

Understanding Avoidant Relationships Attachment Styles

Hello Everyone,

I trust this email finds you all in good spirits. I am Andre Paradis, your dedicated relationship coach and NLP practitioner. Today, I’m excited to delve into a topic that plays a significant role in our interactions and in relationships: “The attachment styles”. In this installment, we’ll explore the avoidant attachment style and
uncover strategies for recognizing, managing, and fostering healthier relationships.

Attachment Styles: A Brief Recap

Before we dive into the intricacies of the avoidant attachment style, let’s recap the essentials. Attachment styles influence how we interact and respond to others and navigate our emotions within relationships. There are three main styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant.

Understanding the Avoidant Attachment Style

Our focus today centers on the avoidant attachment style. Picture this: individuals who feel an intense fear of intimacy and emotional attachment. These individuals exhibit distinct traits that shape their interactions and connections.

Characteristics of Avoidant Individuals

Difficulty: Trusting and being vulnerable in their love dynamics: Avoidant individuals struggle to trust others and be vulnerable. Their fear of getting lost or losing themselves. Their need for independence hinders them from fully opening up and being all in.

Prioritizing Independence: Independence and self-sufficiency are their shields. While independence is valuable, it often supersedes emotional bonds, making deeper connections a challenge for these individuals.

Impact of Early Bonds: Individuals with an avoidant attachment style may have grown up in challenging family environments, affecting their ability to form strong, healthy emotional bonds. This history often leads to push-and-pull behaviors in relationships.

Fear of Emotional Intimacy: Emotional intimacy is overwhelming for them. The fear of losing themselves in a relationship drives their avoidance, causing a cycle of pulling away and drawing closer which can cause much stress in the dynamic.

Navigating Relationships with Avoidant Individuals

Navigating relationships with avoidant individuals requires patience, empathy, and much understanding. Here are some key strategies to consider:

Creating a Safe Space: Gently guide them into a safe, comforting space. Reassure them that you comprehend their need for independence while being present to support them emotionally.

Patience and Persistence: Overcoming their barriers takes time. Approach the relationship with a willingness to offer understanding and allow them to gradually open up.

Calming Energy: If you can ease any discomfort that arises, the atmosphere becomes more conducive to connection. By being present and calm, you help them feel less overwhelmed.

Challenging Negative Beliefs: Encourage them to challenge negative beliefs that hinder intimacy. Ask questions that provoke critical thinking and help them reframe their perceptions.

Overcoming the Avoidant Attachment Style

It’s important to note that an avoidant attachment style is not necessarily a permanent trait. With self-awareness, effort, and professional help, individuals can overcome these challenges and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Moving Forward: Your Role

Understanding and supporting individuals with an avoidant attachment style can make a world of difference. If you’re intrigued by these insights and seek more knowledge, explore my website at There, you’ll find resources, podcasts, blogs, and videos that delve deeper into many different aspects of relationship dynamics. Some you can’t imagine.

For those ready to take transformative steps, I offer exploratory calls where we can address your specific challenges, break negative patterns, and pave the way for future fulfilling relationships. If you’re seeking lasting change, I encourage you to connect with me through an exploratory call.

In conclusion, remember that understanding avoidant attachment styles is an essential step toward building stronger connections. These styles can be challenging, but they are not insurmountable. With the right tools, patience, and support, you can help others, or even yourself, navigate towards healthier, fulfilling, long-lasting relationships.

Thank you for your interest and engagement in these important discussions. Your commitment to growth and understanding is truly commendable.

Overcoming Anxious Relationship Styles

Hey there, everyone!

I’m Andre Paradis, your host and coach at Project Equinox. Today, I’m excited to delve into a fascinating topic that’s crucial in the realm of relationships: the attachment styles. Specifically, we’ll be shining a spotlight on the anxious attachment style.

In the world of attachment theory, there are three primary attachment styles: Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. These styles often trace back to our early experiences during childhood. If you were fortunate enough to grow up in a healthy family environment with loving and secure bonds, you likely developed a secure attachment style. This sets a strong foundation for future relationships, making it easier to form healthy connections and raise secure, well-adjusted children.

However, today, our focus is on the anxious attachment style. Individuals with this attachment style often grapple with a deep-seated fear of abandonment and rejection. They yearn for intimacy and closeness but are haunted by the constant fear of being left alone. This inner turmoil leads to a push-pull dynamic in their relationships, where they desperately want connection but are paralyzed by their fear of abandonment. The result? Anxiety takes center stage in the relationship.

It’s a bit like a self-fulfilling prophecy, and it can be perplexing for those caught in its grip. Anxious individuals often seek constant reassurance from their partners, constantly worrying about the stability and commitment in the relationship. This heightened anxiety becomes a breeding ground for insecurity and jealousy, adding even more strain to the relationship.

Some common signs of anxious attachment include overthinking, excessive worry about their partner’s thoughts and actions when they’re apart, and difficulty trusting their partners. They may become overly dependent on their partners or become anxious if their partner doesn’t meet their expectations, creating a toxic cycle of negative dynamics.

So, the million-dollar question is, how do you heal anxious attachments in relationships? It’s a tough challenge that involves establishing healthy boundaries and effective communication. For anxious individuals, this can be especially difficult because their fears and anxieties often hinder open and honest dialogue.

Healing begins with self-care and self-love. It means turning the focus inward and asking yourself important questions: What do I need? Why am I so afraid? Where does this fear come from? This introspection, often referred to as “doing your work,” is critical. We are products of our past and our upbringing, and unresolved issues from our past can seep into our relationships, wreaking havoc.

In addition to self-care, effective communication is key. Most of us struggle with effective communication, and for anxious individuals, this challenge can be amplified. Setting clear boundaries and understanding your own needs and reactions is crucial.

Perhaps one of the most significant steps is challenging the negative beliefs that lurk in your mind, beliefs often rooted in childhood experiences of abandonment, neglect, or abuse. These beliefs make you want love but fear it at the same time, resulting in the anxious push-pull dynamic. It’s essential to confront and work through these beliefs to move forward.

Seeking professional help, whether through a coach or therapist, can be a game-changer. Don’t despair if you find yourself in an anxious attachment style; it’s not permanent. With dedication, time, and effort, you can transform your relationship patterns.

Remember, it takes courage to embark on this journey, but it’s well worth it. Don’t allow fear and insecurity to dictate your relationships. Instead, challenge yourself to grow, evolve, and create the healthy, fulfilling relationships you desire.

In my next video, I’ll dive into the avoidant attachment style. But if you’re curious about my work, coaching, or programs, head over to, click on the contact tab, and schedule a complimentary VIP one-hour session with me. It’s an opportunity to take action, step into your future, and address those attachment issues. Be courageous, take the leap, and let’s chat. I look forward to connecting with you soon. Thanks for tuning in! Goodbye for now.

How to Find a Good Man

Good morning, everyone. Andre Paradis, your coach. I am just going to do this short recording to answer a question that comes around to me from the ladies all the time. And the question is: 

How to find a good man? 

That is a good question. 

I think it’s funny to think that “(good) men are rare,” because  I don’t think it is the case. I get this question weekly–  daily sometimes. So, I think first we need to define what that means. What’s a good man? I’m going to guess that that question means how to find a good man for a relationship. So how do you find a good man for a relationship? 

First, I think we need to define what a good man is and some of the very traditional qualities that women like in men. Stuff like reliability, honesty, character, integrity and a good sense of humor. By the way, a sense of humor is attached to being intelligent so these two go together. Also, being capable, independent, confident, kind, passionate – which means he has a drive and a purpose in life – and faithful. These are the big ones. 

So where are these guys? And I say very naturally, very easily: they’re everywhere! Now, if you’ve been following me for a while, you understand that in my world, there are three types of men: There are men, guys, and boys.

Boys, I would say do not fit in the category of good men because they’re not traditional. They don’t want to work and they don’t want to take care of anybody. 

Guys are somewhere in the middle. Men (and they are still everywhere) are traditional. They want traditional values. One thing that I think ladies are struggling with in our culture, is women want traditional men with these traditional values to provide, protect, cherish, build, and give to the feminine. However, women, in big numbers in our culture, don’t want to be traditional women. This is, I think, where the disconnect is. 

So, it’s not a matter of, how to find a good man, or why is it difficult to find a good man, or finding a good man is such a challenge because… or how do you find a good guy? Let’s stop that. The question is, what is it that good men, who typically are more traditional, what are they looking for in women?

If they’re a good man, they know exactly what works for them, what they are looking for in a woman, in a traditional woman to build a traditional life. Because good men want relationships. Good men want marriage. Good men want children. Good men pride themselves on building themselves a kingdom and taking care of everyone in that kingdom. That’s what good men do, so they are everywhere. However, how do you signal to a good man that you are what he’s looking for?

That’s what you want to look at. So, when I hear: Why can’t I find a good man? I often go to: What are you offering for a good man to want to step in and spend his time, his energy, his resources, his money on you. What are you offering? 

And again, it’s pretty traditional. Traditional men want traditional women with traditional values. So, they value marriage. They value family and spirituality. They value building families, and they value women stepping into feminine roles. This is often mothering and supporting his life purpose, allowing him to fly and soar in life, and, in exchange, he will provide and protect her and his offspring forever.

That’s what good men do. Again, the question is not, where do you find a good man? It is, what are you offering to a good man who will attract them to you?

Men know what they want. Men know what works and what doesn’t work. Men know yes and no, when it comes to women, and again, you want to rethink this. I think because the culture is not helping you, ladies, lining up with those values that are traditional for men that you think are from the past.

So, there is a modern way, I call it a sweet spot. Traditional men want more traditional women with a modern twist because we live in modern times. So, I am not talking about going back to the fifties, but there is a way and good men are out there everywhere. 

The question is: How do you become visible on men’s radar for them to then focus on you, investigate and see if you’re building material; if you are a woman who they could build a life with?

This is really where you want to pay attention. What is the buyer buying? Men are the buyers. You want to pay attention to what the buyer is buying? Otherwise, he’s not buying. 

Hope that helps. 

Let me know how that resonates. 

The Difference Between Male and Female Communication

Hello everyone. Thanks for joining. If you’re here, you’re either a follower of mine or you’re on a quest to understanding male and female dynamics and communication styles. This is a little short video that will be dedicated to communication styles, and more specifically, the differences between male and female communication. 

Very, very interesting. We understand and we have a sense of that. We know we’re different, but the details and the mechanics of it escapes us. So I’ll try to break it down for you guys to kind of help you understand how it occurs. So, the difference between male and female communications is typically this… 

First of all, communication is fundamental in relationships. You know, the way we communicate as men and women is different. I actually call it two different languages. This may  sound ridiculous because we’re speaking the same language, both speak English, however, do we really understand what we are saying? Typically no, because we don’t use the words in the same way. Let me explain.

Men tend to speak a lot more directly. We, men, tend to speak a lot more in a linear way. Men use much less words and typically get right to the point. No fluff, no frills, few adjectives.   Women, on the other hand, use a lot more words! Here’s the data. Men speak about 7,000 words a day. Women speak about 20,000 words a day which is almost three times more! Different styles, right? So we’re talking again about the difference between male and female communication and the differences between men and female communication style.

So we think we’re communicating and we believe we’re communicating but often we miss the boat because we’re doing it very, very differently. So like I said, women will tend to use more words, be more descriptive, there’s more story, more introduction to the story, more connecting phrases. “how are you doing?” “how do you feel?” “How’s your week? How’s your mother? How’s your wife? How’s work?”

All of that typically shows up first when women speak, before getting into what they want to communicate, which often derails males because they’re wondering why all the niceties (especially in work matters) or what’s the reason for long the intro? Because there’s no point in that. What you need to understand is that men are always looking for the point when a woman is talking.

When males speak it’s to share or convey something that is either needed, important, relevant to something else, someone else or sometimes serious. They speak, as a rule, to exchange some data and this data and information is relevant or important for you or a situation. So men speak to share data and information, outside of that, they’re telling stories or cracking jokes. That’s it! Men don’t communicate or speak for connection whereas women talk mostly to create a connection or create a connection first before the data if there’s even data . Connection to women gives them a feeling of safety, this is something men don’t do or understand. So women tend to want to be pleasant, pleasing and caring to get a connection. However,  men’s brains instantly are listening  for, “what’s the point?” “What is the reason for this exchange?” “Wait, now she’s talking about something else… uh, so, is that the point?”

And what happens eventually is that you lose men’s attention and you lose their interest… you’ll see them glaze over because no point seems to be coming. This glazing over makes the feminine feel disconnected, which is the exact opposite of what she’s trying to do. She’s trying to connect with him but, unbeknownst to her, she uses so many words, so much so that he doesn’t know where it’s all going. It’s overwhelming to a men’s brain, so he pulls back, disconnects his attention, which freaks her out because that disconnect scares her somewhere deep inside. The disconnect makes her feel discarded or even rejected. She’ll think “he doesn’t want to hear what I’m saying, he probably doesn’t like me!”

So, instinctively, she talks more trying to reestablish the connection which overwhelmed him more and it goes straight down the toilet. And in the end if he decides to shut it all down or walk away, she thinks he’s a jerk. If they’re in a relationship, she’ll conclude that he doesn’t care for her, doesn’t respect or love her etc. So the differences between the male female communication styles are huge and we don’t understand them! We take it personally and we think the other one’s misbehaving. Right? And again, it’s not that! It’s the differences in males and females communications. If you don’t understand those, you’ll find yourself tripping around all the time. 

We also understand that communication isn’t only speaking, it’s also listening. So we both speak differently and we listen differently. Isn’t it a kick in the head? So how does that work? I’m gonna give you one side of the equation. For males, they listen again to “what’s the point?” And they speak typically and naturally to get to the point. That’s how they do it.

Women speak for connection. So they speak a lot, use a lot of words with a lot of personal connection, combined with hints, innuendos, and tons of details…  and they listen the same way. So when men speak directly, women wonder, “what’s he really trying to tell me?” Because that’s how women speak to each other; indirectly. 

Tony Robbins has a class about this. He says women don’t say what they mean, It makes it sound like something is wrong with that but, it’s true. Women don’t say what they mean because they don’t speak directly. Women speak in hints and innuendos and a ton of details.. That’s how they communicate with each other. So for a woman, direct communication doesn’t register. they don’t listen to the words, they listen for what’s behind the words, the same way they do it with each other.” “What’s he really trying to tell me??” is how they listent. 

So if a man says:  “I don’t wanna go for dinner tonight” she may think, “what’s the problem?”  Is he mad at me? Does he not want to go out with me? Is he trying to break up? What’s he trying to tell me?” Right? Men just say what they mean, directly versus indirectly! He speaks directly and to the point but she’s trying to figure out the meaning of his communication, as opposed to listening to the words that he’s actually using. It’s fascinating!

Another way that men listen to women is: If you’re upset, complaining or you’re mad, he’s listening for “what’s the problem?”. So too often, as a woman is talking and venting, the guy jumps in with trying to fix it, which infuriates the feminine who just wants to get it out of her. 

So we don’t communicate the same and our communication styles are completely different. Men and women, different communication styles, different ways of listening, different ways of speaking, and we are not aware of that. Because again, we think that the other one is doing it the same way we do it. And that’s the basis of many many  misunderstandings. 

So, simply consider that it’s not understanding those differences that will mess you up. This is just one of the little things that I teach, You’ll know that this derailment happened because we’ll end up thinking the other one is misbehaving, not caring, doesn’t respect or care for us. Then things fall apart. 

So voila! A little bit of input on how that all works. Hope you like it, hope you enjoyed it, and if you want more, follow me. I’m all over the place. Instagram, TikTok, under my name, Andre_Paradis, there’s a lot of material that I teach. @Projectequinox on Instagram, is my website. My YouTube is connected to my website and there’s a lot of blogs on there as well. If you search  my name on Google, you’ll find me all over the place,

The more you learn about men and women, the more you dismantle these behaviors, the smoother you will be able to build a healthy, long-term, loving relationship with another human. 

If you need some help you can reach me directly, just go to It’s a landing page that will take you to my calendar where you can book a VIP one hour exploratory call for either men or women. When you book the appointment, you’ll fill out a short questionnaire to help me prepare for our call.  On that call we’ll talk about where you’re stuck, what’s not working for you and how I could help. It’s a great opportunity and it’s on me. It’s complimentary. 

Come and get it and  I’ll see you on the other side. Thanks so much!



What if “Badass” is just Bad! a Lady Boss’s Story

Okay, here we go again. What if “badass” is just bad??? This one’s specifically for women. It seems so anti-cultural just to think that or say that out loud, doesn’t it? In a world and a culture that encourages ALL women to “lean in”, push, conquer and compete like Men, no one seems to have taken the time to ask, is it really a good idea? What is the downside? Don’t fool yourselves, there’s a good side and a downside to EVERYTHING we choose. There just is! So, what could possibly be bad about women being strong, independent, and powerful? They only gain when they make money, are assertive, confident, in charge, and in control, right?

Well, let’s walk it through and see. Let’s start with what it takes just to be competitive as women. Dr. John Gray (author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) has conducted research that shows that in a “normal” work week where women have to get up early, get ready, get in the car, fight traffic, park, get to the office, handle work pressure, demands and expectations, deadlines, budgets projections, company projections and/or future, production demands, competing with co-workers, meeting job expectations, dealing with the boss and/or difficult people at work, getting back in the car, back in traffic, and back home, the stress of taking care of the home, their stress level rises up to SIX times higher than men’s stress in doing the very same things. SIX times!!!! Think about that for a moment.

So why or how is this happening? Well, interestingly enough, it goes back to chemical differences between men’s and women’s bodies. See, on a man, “normal” stress is actually good and very effective. There’s a “getting on point” that happens with the pressure of what needs to be done, accomplished, or produced. This kind of lower stress level makes men’s brains sharper, quicker, alert, and more capable to handle and get things done. Best part for men is, it’s the working, producing, competing, winning, and “getting things done” that triggers the production of testosterone that supports their energy. It’s this testosterone that actually reduces stress in men. It stabilizes the nervous system in men with a feeling of accomplishment that chemically soothes the soul. What a fantastic design!

Another interesting fact: you’ll see the exact opposite in men who don’t work or don’t have their lives in order. They are edgy, anxious, irritable, and very often both emotionally AND financially unstable. Everything seems to set them off. This is caused by low testosterone which gets overridden by higher levels of estrogen. This more feminine hormonal cocktail makes them unstable, moody, and unpredictable. Mood swings in men are a result of the lack of testosterone in their system (the mood equalizer).

On a woman’s body, stress is just destructive, period! Stress robs her of her energy and has a very negative impact on her physiology. The stress and anxiety in her body come from adrenaline (not testosterone) which her adrenal glands release when under pressure. This chemical release gives her a rush of energy to push through the day…every day. As a result, the hormone cortisol is produced next, as a by-product induced by the stress of competition, challenge, meetings, deadlines etc. This messes up her digestive system and she soon loses control of her body weight no matter what she eats or how much she exercises. Next, she’ll develop difficulties in sleeping or staying asleep and over time cannot truly recover or ever feel rejuvenated. This adds even more stress on her nervous system. She’ll become overwhelmed, anxious, worried, which not only will affect her, but she’ll also create tension all around her with her peers, friends, family, everyone. She loses her sense of self, her spirit fades, all of the vitality and warmth disappears from her eyes. She will become unsatisfied and unfulfilled in life, and she’ll be mostly unhappy. Eventually she’ll have to stop, or her body will physically stop her by falling prey to various kinds of sickness, disease, and even cancer. How many women like this do you know?

Sigh! Is this liberating? Is this what they meant when they called for equality? Is this the good life they promised it would be? Sounds horrible to me. Why would this be encouraged to become the “new normal”? This seems like a HUGE price to pay: Independent… and usually lonely and not so happy.

For some of you ladies, it was your life circumstances. No one to help, support or cherish you. You had to do it all yourselves and for that, I’m truly sorry.

What I’m offering is a different option and to reconsider how you may want the rest of your life to be.

Here’s a simple reminder when it comes to men and relationships with women.

“Men love happy women!!!”

Not edgy, anxious, overwhelmed, angry, bossy, pushy, or disrespectful…happy!

This may require a recalibration of the way you operate in life and in the world.

Good news is. It’s absolutely possible! It takes some serious dedication, but yes, absolutely possible. I do it with my clients week after week. Something to think about.

My guest on our podcast #80 this week was exactly this woman who experienced the same stress, burnout, and bossiness that eventually came at the cost of her relationship. Turns out that “badass” may actually be just bad, for most women. I see it daily in my work. Guest star Jeanette Ortega, fitness expert and life coach, shares her inspiring story of before and after. It’s a beautiful journey of how she really discovered her true power…(spoiler!) “badass babe” was not it!

I love it, go check it out!

It’s posted on my website in the podcast section to take a listen, or get to it here. 


Communicating with Men- An Insight on What you may Have Experienced

In our culture, which has become extremely “feminized” in the past few decades, the “go to” communication style constantly being encouraged is the feminine style. And that style is – to speak.

Speaking is women’s favorite style of communication with men, women, children, everyone! In itself, there’s nothing wrong with that. However, let me say that,

“Speaking is a feminized paradigm, NOT a Masculine paradigm in communications”

Men of course do talk, can talk, and will talk, but much much less than women, and also for different reasons. It is simply NOT a natural or preferred choice for communication in general for men. For women, this is often seen as “the problem” with men.

“I only get a one-word answer, I don’t know what’s going on inside him, what he’s thinking, how he feels about me”

Since speaking is so natural, easy, and a huge source of connection for women, they often insist that men “should” be more talkative, open, and vulnerable with their thoughts, emotions, and inner feelings like women. But since men DON’T NEED to talk for connection, but rather use talking almost solely to exchange data or information, women often conclude that men are shallow, selfish, uncaring, and even defective.

That’s a big mistake ladies.

These assumptions are both absolutely inaccurate AND right down wrong. Men have feelings, very deep feelings, however, instinct has men compelled to keep them bottled up for their safety. Revealing your weaknesses may prove deadly is how it feels. That’s probably the first thing to remember about men.

Next, men simply communicate differently in nature and by nature. Talking is “work” for most men and they do it as needed only. Three-hour conversations or long phone calls are for your girlfriends, not your man {if he’s really a man). Sorry. But you all know this on some level.

I’m suggesting that we don’t make men wrong for the way they’re wired, rather understand why that is and how to meet each other somewhere in the middle.

You cannot insist or demand he does it your way. That will never work. Think back, you probably have experienced this. It’s not that he’s a jerk, it’s that it’s absolutely disrespectful to his very being.

Imagine if men went around demanding that women stop all their clucking simply because it’s irritating?

“You talk too much for no good reason, I need you to stop and be quiet unless you have something worth sharing or talking about.” 

Can you Imagine any man saying that? Well, that’s what you do to men by insisting that they operate like women. Real men will never communicate in the way women do or want them to. You have to respect that. You want to learn to flex and learn to appreciate HIS way and style of communicating if you want more. Then, learn to meet somewhere in the middle. That is what successful couples do.

Other parts of the world seemingly understand this better than the U.S.

Here’s an example of that from a client who lives here now:

“I grew up in France and am better emotionally calibrated to the French embrace of the feminine, that, mixed in with understanding the more masculine, non-verbal, tactile communication style works great!”.

Michelle L.

So, is anyone curious to know how men communicate naturally?

The respectful way? The way that works for him best.

Wouldn’t that be something great to know?

Come join any of my programs, learn what works for men and why.

Once you know, it all becomes really fun.

“It’s so easy when you know what to do”

Is what my clients say after their program.

Make an appointment to schedule your complimentary Breakthrough call with me here

We’ll see what’s not working, what your big dream is, and how I can get you there.

This call is my gift to you. (worth $397)

Go for it!!



The Myth of Sexual Equality

If you bought into the concept of sexual equality and you’re a woman, you probably have a hard time getting or keeping a relationship with men.

Why? Because men are in no way equal, alike, or even a little bit similar to women in who they are, what they do, what they find interesting, how they think and operate and what motivates them in life.

This is obvious to most men, but somehow it seems women miss it. They want men to be more like themselves, not understanding what that, in itself, will create for men. Wanting men to act or be like you (sweet, sensitive, talkative, in touch with his feelings) will have you collide with men and leave you feeling that he’s a jerk.

But he’s most likely not a jerk…he’s a man! If you make him wrong for who he is, he will experience you as a disrespectful woman, which will always have him respond negatively. He’ll blow up, or push back, or quietly walk away, sometimes forever. And you’ll blame him for it.

Making men wrong for being men is very popular nowadays, but it is not the way to attract men or get them to stick around. Why would they put up with that?

Equality does not work between men and women when it comes to a love relationship—it goes against nature entirely.

Some things just don’t exist in nature. Men will never be able to have babies. Is that wrong, or is it nature? Women don’t have testes. Is that wrong, or is it nature?

Men’s and women’s brains are as different as a penis and a vagina. There is no “equality” or similarities in how they appear and function. Is anything in the world more obvious? In the same way, men act and are motivated by a different survival system than women are.

The problem with sexual equality is that it creates competition, which kills intimacy and sensuality. Equal rights and equal pay are no-brainers, but equality in love kills a relationship.

Successful relationships are like ballroom dancers: the man leads, and the woman follows. This doesn’t mean she’s a doormat or has no say in the dynamic. It means she gets to hold her own while at the same time letting go of control. By trusting her partner and letting him lead, she gets to relax in her feminine essence, where she can enjoy his leadership and her natural flow.

Ironically, the more you let go, the more the man will step up in every facet of your life and relationship. Imagine a life with a man who takes on the responsibilities of work to allow his wife to work part-time. She’s the one who gets to be present to raise their kids and make a comfortable nest for all. For him, home becomes a soft place to land at the end of the day so he can recharge and go attack to fight the world again the next day.

If you fight for equality, the complementarity goes away. The man will have to fight to be respected, and the woman will have to nag to be cherished. At the end of it all, she’ll never feel cherished, and he’ll never feel respected, and things will unravel quickly. Two similarly polarized magnets pushing against each other never works!

What works is a complementary dynamic. Just like magnets, positive and negative attract each other powerfully. Same with ballroom dancers: together in opposition, they create a beautiful complete unit, where he gets to lead and feel like a gentleman, and she gets to follow and feel like a lady. This works naturally, and it’s beautiful to watch. You can see it in couples who have it. It’s a joy to watch.

Hope this helps,


Women Are a Foreign Culture

That is how you should approach them. 

As a coach, I often get while talking to men that they think Women are too emotional, illogical, unreasonable, disrespectful, and often right down …crazy (Sorry). Gee, I wonder why we have problems.

Funny thing is, Men will describe themselves as “not that complicated” and easy to understand.

Well, that’s not true. There are very complex things that have Men function in very specific ways that are not obvious at all…especially to Women.

So, for Men to discard Women’s reactions or feelings as erratic or illogical is as helpful as saying “Men are stupid because they can only do one thing at a time.”

Men, I’m here to tell you that if you don’t understand Women’s actions and behaviors, you are setting yourselves up for a world of pain. I’m sure you’ve experienced some of this with Women already. Think about the past for a minute… ever asked yourself, “What is wrong now?” or “Now she’s not talking to me, and I have no idea why!” Right?

Then you ask, “Are you okay?” and she answers, “ I’m fine” when she obviously isn’t, but now you think she’s playing games and you get annoyed. You ask her one more time a little more frustrated than before. She gives you the same answer… now you’re mad and neither leave the room nor the house.

Men, when it comes to Women, I suggest that you approach the whole thing like you would if you had to do business in a foreign culture (BTW it’s equally as important for Men to approach Women like this, as well).

Let me explain.

If you were to fly into Asia for business, you would find a hundred “codes of behaviors” that do not apply to our Western world ways. Does that mean that these codes are insignificant or that they are not important? No. They may be odd to you and me, but if you want to succeed in Asia, you better learn the culture, traditions, and communication styles – both business and personal if you want a chance to succeed in that culture on any level. It’s obvious, right? Studying their cultural style and their “ways” before even going there would be very smart and respectable…and the best way to a successful transaction, deal, or experience.

That’s exactly how you want to approach Women. You must know what works for Women in order to succeed with Women (and yes, they have to learn about you, too). Knowing how Women function, how their feelings run the show, and why they operate the way they do, is the loving and respectful way to be with Women. It’s also the way to get anything and everything you want and need from Women.

Do I have your attention?

Men, you have the power to turn Women into sweet, fun, respectful and loving, feminine creatures and to have them support you the way you want them to when you understand how they function and what works for them… can you beat that?

Have you noticed that the things that are important to you and that motivate your actions really don’t line up with the things that are important to her and motivate her? I mean…not even close!

The problem is when we, Men, don’t understand Women, we often try to fix or manage them like Men. Which never works…have you noticed?

We want Women to be straightforward, cool-headed, emotionally predictable, and to not take things personally…well that’s all fine but that’s not a woman…that’s your buddy.

If you want even and predictable…hang with your boys. But that won’t bring you closer to understanding women.

Not understanding or valuing women’s emotions will have you to lose every time.

Telling her to stop feeling what she’s feeling won’t get you far either… you’re more likely to end up in the doghouse again wondering what happened.

You see, Women are giant “orgasmotrons.” Everything they see, hear, smell, taste, and touch make them feel good or bad. On the spot, immediately. Moment to moment, how she feels is how she experiences life and that is her inescapable reality…ALL THE TIME!!!

They have no choice about this, it isn’t a decision… it just is.

A woman must feel good to do good, A man must do good to feel good.

Complete opposition, completely different machines.

If Men need to be respected by Women to be good in the world, then a smart, caring Man generously will learn to cherish women’s feelings as much as he can regardless of how illogical, irrational, and ever-irritating it may seem for Men. This is not easy or obvious to you, but it works.

Do this and Women will show up in your world with love, grace, femininity, and connection in a way you have never imagined possible.


Men Are a Foreign Culture

That is how you should approach them.

As a coach, I often sense while talking to women that they feel men are shallow or lack depth because they usually don’t talk very much, or when they do, it’s filled with data and cold facts, which must mean that they’re not very deep or caring either, right? Wrong!

Ladies, I’m here to tell you that if you don’t understand Men’s actions and behaviors, you are setting yourselves up for a world of hurt. I’m sure you’ve experienced this with Men already. Think about the past for a minute, ever asked yourself, “What was he thinking?” or “I can’t believe he did that (or said that)!” Right?

Then you call your girlfriend to try to figure out what that all meant…. but your girlfriend doesn’t have a Man’s brain. She doesn’t think or operate like a Man; she operates and thinks like you. So how will that help you understand Men? You are both most likely to come to the worst conclusion that will be off by a mile from what your Man’s true reasons were to begin with.

When it comes to Men, I suggest that you approach the whole thing like you would if you had to do business in a foreign culture (BTW it’s equally as important for Men to approach Women like this, as well).

Let me explain.

If you were to fly into Japan for business, you would find a hundred “codes of behaviors” that may not apply to our Western world ways. Does that mean that these codes are insignificant or that they are not important? No. They may be odd to you and me, but if you want to succeed in Japan, you’d better learn the culture, traditions, and communication styles – both business and personal if you want a chance to succeed with that culture on any level. It’s obvious, right? Studying their cultural style and their “ways” before even going to the country would be very smart and respectable… and the best way to a successful transaction, deal, or experience.

That’s exactly how you want to approach Men. You must know what works for Men in order to succeed with Men (and yes, they have to learn about you, too). Knowing how Men function, how they think, and why they operate the way they do, is the respectful way to be with Men. It’s also the way to get anything and everything you want and need from Men.

Do I have your attention?

Ladies, you have the power to have Men show up the way you need them to when you understand how they work and what works for them…. can you beat that?

Have you noticed that the things that are important to you and that motivate your actions really don’t line up with the things that are important to him and motivate him?

The problem for Men is when Women feel that their way is “the way”. To a Woman, if it feels wrong…it’s wrong!

Women can often be self-righteous about how Men “should” behave or what they “should” be like or care about in life.

This is typically not intentional– it’s just how it occurs. The problem lies in what it does to Men.

Women believe that Men should be sweet and kind and talkative AND connected to their feelings and emotions and …really??? No, that is a girlfriend. That’s what works for you… not him.

If you want a girlfriend, get a girlfriend.

If you want a Man, learn the culture of Men. There, you will find things like honor, integrity, accountability, respect, and loyalty, just to mention a few (yes, some men are broken or don’t live by these traits, but most do.)

These guys don’t play games– they take responsibility for themselves and their actions and choices, they know who they are, and they are looking for women who get them. Not women who make them wrong.

You can be attached to how Men “should” be…. or you can discover how great Men “can” be…and/or you can say you’re right and be alone.

Unlike popular belief, men think about everything, all the time. Yep!

This is because men hold themselves accountable for everything that they do. Big and small. Yes! Men pride themselves in what they do …and the processing of every decision is lengthy and profound. Men will process a thought or decision slowly and deeply and will eventually come out with a decision that may have taken hours or even days to get to. Yes, days sometimes.

Some women have figured this out and seem to get all the goodies with Men. You’ve seen them.

These women typically have put some effort into understanding the culture of Men… so that they can win and be in partnership with Men.

They have figured out how to operate in that culture and respectfully negotiate their wants and needs. By understanding and respecting the culture they get the best of Men and get to be cherished by all Men in the process.

Win-win. Isn’t that the point?



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