The drama triangle is a social model that maps the often-unconscious roles individuals play in conflicts and challenging situations. It was first identified by psychiatrist and educator Stephen Karpman in the 1960s and is also known as Karpman’s Triangle. The roles in the drama triangle include the victim, persecutor, and rescuer. The victim portrays helplessness, powerlessness, and vulnerability. The persecutor engages in blaming, criticizing, or attacking the victim. The rescuer enables the victim by stepping in to solve their problems, giving them advice, or providing them with resources.

How to Break Free from the Drama Triangle 

Individuals can take some steps, including:

1. Recognize the patterns: Understanding the drama triangle is the first step to breaking free from it. By recognizing the roles being played in a conflict, individuals can consciously choose not to participate or perpetuate the unconscious dynamics of the triangle.
2. Change one’s behavior: Individuals can break free from the drama triangle by learning new communication and behavioral patterns. This may involve being direct, assertive, and setting boundaries when communicating.
3. Encourage direct communication: By encouraging direct communication amongst the individuals involved in the conflict, one can avoid misunderstandings, assumptions, and projections that fuel the drama triangle. Individuals should practice open, clear, and respectful communication.
4. Seek therapy: In some cases, breaking free from the drama triangle requires professional help. A therapist trained in cognitive and behavioral therapies can help people develop healthy communication, establish boundaries, and examine and challenge their beliefs and behaviors.

How to Remove Yourself From the Drama Triangle 

Breaking free from the drama triangle is an ongoing process that requires self-awareness, communication, and a willingness to change entrenched communication patterns.

I get asked a lot “how to not react emotionally”. While that can be a good goal, it takes time and practice when dealing with trauma triggers. Again, the key is to look into what the internal trigger is. It’s not necessarily them, but you.

Trauma can have a significant impact on love relationships. When individuals experience trauma, such as war, natural disasters, assault, abuse, neglect, violence, or witnessing death, it can cause significant fear, confusion, helplessness, or dissociation. The effects of trauma can manifest in various ways in love relationships

Here are some examples of responses and how to deal with trauma triggers in a relationship.

1. Trust and intimacy issues: Trauma responses in relationships can lead to difficulties in trusting others and forming intimate connections. Individuals who have experienced trauma may struggle to let their guard down, fearing vulnerability and potential harm. This can make it challenging to establish and maintain deep emotional connections with their partners.
2. Emotional reactivity and triggers: Trauma can cause individuals to become easily triggered into states of distress or fear. Certain situations or behaviors from their partner may unintentionally remind them of the traumatic event, leading to heightened emotional reactivity3. These triggers can cause tension and miscommunication in the relationship.
3. Communication difficulties: Trauma can impact an individual’s ability to effectively communicate their emotions and needs. They may struggle with expressing themselves or may withdraw and shut down during difficult conversations. This can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and difficulties in resolving conflicts within the relationship.
4. Emotional numbing and detachment: In some cases, trauma can result in emotional numbing or detachment. Individuals may struggle to connect with their own emotions or empathize with their partner’s emotions. This can create a sense of distance and emotional disconnection within the relationship.
5. Trauma bonding: In certain instances, individuals with traumatic histories may be drawn to partners who have similar experiences. This is known as trauma bonding, where shared trauma can create a bond between individuals. While this bond may initially provide a sense of understanding and support, it can also perpetuate negative patterns and unhealthy behaviors within the relationship.

It’s important to note that the effects of trauma in relationships can be complex and vary from person to person. Seeking professional help, such as therapy to learn how to deal with trauma triggers in a relationship can be beneficial in addressing the challenges it poses to all your relationships.

-Andre Paradis

Hello Everyone,

I trust this email finds you all in good spirits. I am Andre Paradis, your dedicated relationship coach and NLP practitioner. Today, I’m excited to delve into a topic that plays a significant role in our interactions and in relationships: “The attachment styles”. In this installment, we’ll explore the avoidant attachment style and
uncover strategies for recognizing, managing, and fostering healthier relationships.

Attachment Styles: A Brief Recap

Before we dive into the intricacies of the avoidant attachment style, let’s recap the essentials. Attachment styles influence how we interact and respond to others and navigate our emotions within relationships. There are three main styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant.

Understanding the Avoidant Attachment Style

Our focus today centers on the avoidant attachment style. Picture this: individuals who feel an intense fear of intimacy and emotional attachment. These individuals exhibit distinct traits that shape their interactions and connections.

Characteristics of Avoidant Individuals

Difficulty: Trusting and being vulnerable in their love dynamics: Avoidant individuals struggle to trust others and be vulnerable. Their fear of getting lost or losing themselves. Their need for independence hinders them from fully opening up and being all in.

Prioritizing Independence: Independence and self-sufficiency are their shields. While independence is valuable, it often supersedes emotional bonds, making deeper connections a challenge for these individuals.

Impact of Early Bonds: Individuals with an avoidant attachment style may have grown up in challenging family environments, affecting their ability to form strong, healthy emotional bonds. This history often leads to push-and-pull behaviors in relationships.

Fear of Emotional Intimacy: Emotional intimacy is overwhelming for them. The fear of losing themselves in a relationship drives their avoidance, causing a cycle of pulling away and drawing closer which can cause much stress in the dynamic.

Navigating Relationships with Avoidant Individuals

Navigating relationships with avoidant individuals requires patience, empathy, and much understanding. Here are some key strategies to consider:

Creating a Safe Space: Gently guide them into a safe, comforting space. Reassure them that you comprehend their need for independence while being present to support them emotionally.

Patience and Persistence: Overcoming their barriers takes time. Approach the relationship with a willingness to offer understanding and allow them to gradually open up.

Calming Energy: If you can ease any discomfort that arises, the atmosphere becomes more conducive to connection. By being present and calm, you help them feel less overwhelmed.

Challenging Negative Beliefs: Encourage them to challenge negative beliefs that hinder intimacy. Ask questions that provoke critical thinking and help them reframe their perceptions.

Overcoming the Avoidant Attachment Style

It’s important to note that an avoidant attachment style is not necessarily a permanent trait. With self-awareness, effort, and professional help, individuals can overcome these challenges and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Moving Forward: Your Role

Understanding and supporting individuals with an avoidant attachment style can make a world of difference. If you’re intrigued by these insights and seek more knowledge, explore my website at https://projectequinox.net/contact/. There, you’ll find resources, podcasts, blogs, and videos that delve deeper into many different aspects of relationship dynamics. Some you can’t imagine.

For those ready to take transformative steps, I offer exploratory calls where we can address your specific challenges, break negative patterns, and pave the way for future fulfilling relationships. If you’re seeking lasting change, I encourage you to connect with me through an exploratory call.

In conclusion, remember that understanding avoidant attachment styles is an essential step toward building stronger connections. These styles can be challenging, but they are not insurmountable. With the right tools, patience, and support, you can help others, or even yourself, navigate towards healthier, fulfilling, long-lasting relationships.

Thank you for your interest and engagement in these important discussions. Your commitment to growth and understanding is truly commendable.

Hey there, everyone!

I’m Andre Paradis, your host and coach at Project Equinox. Today, I’m excited to delve into a fascinating topic that’s crucial in the realm of relationships: the attachment styles. Specifically, we’ll be shining a spotlight on the anxious attachment style.

In the world of attachment theory, there are three primary attachment styles: Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. These styles often trace back to our early experiences during childhood. If you were fortunate enough to grow up in a healthy family environment with loving and secure bonds, you likely developed a secure attachment style. This sets a strong foundation for future relationships, making it easier to form healthy connections and raise secure, well-adjusted children.

However, today, our focus is on the anxious attachment style. Individuals with this attachment style often grapple with a deep-seated fear of abandonment and rejection. They yearn for intimacy and closeness but are haunted by the constant fear of being left alone. This inner turmoil leads to a push-pull dynamic in their relationships, where they desperately want connection but are paralyzed by their fear of abandonment. The result? Anxiety takes center stage in the relationship.

It’s a bit like a self-fulfilling prophecy, and it can be perplexing for those caught in its grip. Anxious individuals often seek constant reassurance from their partners, constantly worrying about the stability and commitment in the relationship. This heightened anxiety becomes a breeding ground for insecurity and jealousy, adding even more strain to the relationship.

Some common signs of anxious attachment include overthinking, excessive worry about their partner’s thoughts and actions when they’re apart, and difficulty trusting their partners. They may become overly dependent on their partners or become anxious if their partner doesn’t meet their expectations, creating a toxic cycle of negative dynamics.

So, the million-dollar question is, how do you heal anxious attachments in relationships? It’s a tough challenge that involves establishing healthy boundaries and effective communication. For anxious individuals, this can be especially difficult because their fears and anxieties often hinder open and honest dialogue.

Healing begins with self-care and self-love. It means turning the focus inward and asking yourself important questions: What do I need? Why am I so afraid? Where does this fear come from? This introspection, often referred to as “doing your work,” is critical. We are products of our past and our upbringing, and unresolved issues from our past can seep into our relationships, wreaking havoc.

In addition to self-care, effective communication is key. Most of us struggle with effective communication, and for anxious individuals, this challenge can be amplified. Setting clear boundaries and understanding your own needs and reactions is crucial.

Perhaps one of the most significant steps is challenging the negative beliefs that lurk in your mind, beliefs often rooted in childhood experiences of abandonment, neglect, or abuse. These beliefs make you want love but fear it at the same time, resulting in the anxious push-pull dynamic. It’s essential to confront and work through these beliefs to move forward.

Seeking professional help, whether through a coach or therapist, can be a game-changer. Don’t despair if you find yourself in an anxious attachment style; it’s not permanent. With dedication, time, and effort, you can transform your relationship patterns.

Remember, it takes courage to embark on this journey, but it’s well worth it. Don’t allow fear and insecurity to dictate your relationships. Instead, challenge yourself to grow, evolve, and create the healthy, fulfilling relationships you desire.

In my next video, I’ll dive into the avoidant attachment style. But if you’re curious about my work, coaching, or programs, head over to projectequinox.net, click on the contact tab, and schedule a complimentary VIP one-hour session with me. It’s an opportunity to take action, step into your future, and address those attachment issues. Be courageous, take the leap, and let’s chat. I look forward to connecting with you soon. Thanks for tuning in! Goodbye for now.

Good morning, everyone. Andre Paradis, your coach. I am just going to do this short recording to answer a question that comes around to me from the ladies all the time. And the question is: 

How to find a good man? 

That is a good question. 

I think it’s funny to think that “(good) men are rare,” because  I don’t think it is the case. I get this question weekly–  daily sometimes. So, I think first we need to define what that means. What’s a good man? I’m going to guess that that question means how to find a good man for a relationship. So how do you find a good man for a relationship? 

First, I think we need to define what a good man is and some of the very traditional qualities that women like in men. Stuff like reliability, honesty, character, integrity and a good sense of humor. By the way, a sense of humor is attached to being intelligent so these two go together. Also, being capable, independent, confident, kind, passionate – which means he has a drive and a purpose in life – and faithful. These are the big ones. 

So where are these guys? And I say very naturally, very easily: they’re everywhere! Now, if you’ve been following me for a while, you understand that in my world, there are three types of men: There are men, guys, and boys.

Boys, I would say do not fit in the category of good men because they’re not traditional. They don’t want to work and they don’t want to take care of anybody. 

Guys are somewhere in the middle. Men (and they are still everywhere) are traditional. They want traditional values. One thing that I think ladies are struggling with in our culture, is women want traditional men with these traditional values to provide, protect, cherish, build, and give to the feminine. However, women, in big numbers in our culture, don’t want to be traditional women. This is, I think, where the disconnect is. 

So, it’s not a matter of, how to find a good man, or why is it difficult to find a good man, or finding a good man is such a challenge because… or how do you find a good guy? Let’s stop that. The question is, what is it that good men, who typically are more traditional, what are they looking for in women?

If they’re a good man, they know exactly what works for them, what they are looking for in a woman, in a traditional woman to build a traditional life. Because good men want relationships. Good men want marriage. Good men want children. Good men pride themselves on building themselves a kingdom and taking care of everyone in that kingdom. That’s what good men do, so they are everywhere. However, how do you signal to a good man that you are what he’s looking for?

That’s what you want to look at. So, when I hear: Why can’t I find a good man? I often go to: What are you offering for a good man to want to step in and spend his time, his energy, his resources, his money on you. What are you offering? 

And again, it’s pretty traditional. Traditional men want traditional women with traditional values. So, they value marriage. They value family and spirituality. They value building families, and they value women stepping into feminine roles. This is often mothering and supporting his life purpose, allowing him to fly and soar in life, and, in exchange, he will provide and protect her and his offspring forever.

That’s what good men do. Again, the question is not, where do you find a good man? It is, what are you offering to a good man who will attract them to you?

Men know what they want. Men know what works and what doesn’t work. Men know yes and no, when it comes to women, and again, you want to rethink this. I think because the culture is not helping you, ladies, lining up with those values that are traditional for men that you think are from the past.

So, there is a modern way, I call it a sweet spot. Traditional men want more traditional women with a modern twist because we live in modern times. So, I am not talking about going back to the fifties, but there is a way and good men are out there everywhere. 

The question is: How do you become visible on men’s radar for them to then focus on you, investigate and see if you’re building material; if you are a woman who they could build a life with?

This is really where you want to pay attention. What is the buyer buying? Men are the buyers. You want to pay attention to what the buyer is buying? Otherwise, he’s not buying. 

Hope that helps. 

Let me know how that resonates. 

Okay, here we go again—what if being a “badass” is actually just bad?

I know, I know. It sounds anti-cultural to even ask that, right? In a world that pushes women to lean in, hustle, compete, and conquer like men, has anyone stopped to consider if it’s actually a good idea? Every choice has pros and cons—so what’s the downside of women being strong, independent, and powerful? Isn’t it all upside when they make money, lead, and take charge?

Well, let’s walk it through.

The Hidden Cost of Competing Like Men

To be competitive, women have to take on high levels of stress and pressure every day—commutes, deadlines, office politics, performance demands, and leadership expectations. Dr. John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus) found that a typical workweek raises women’s stress levels up to six times higher than men’s. Yes, six times!

Why? It comes down to biology.

For men, stress can be productive. It sharpens their focus, boosts energy, and fuels achievement. Winning, competing, and problem-solving trigger testosterone, which not only reduces stress but also brings a sense of accomplishment. Men with structured, purpose-driven lives are generally stable, while those without it (passive males) often become irritable, emotionally and financially unbalanced due to low testosterone and higher estrogen levels.

For women, however, stress is destructive. Instead of testosterone, their bodies release adrenaline to power through tasks. But this triggers cortisol, which disrupts digestion, sleep, and weight regulation. It also strips your T-cells and immune system. Over time, this leads to exhaustion, anxiety, and burnout. The warmth and vitality fade from her eyes, and she becomes overwhelmed, dissatisfied, and ultimately unhappy. If she doesn’t stop, her body will eventually stop her—through illness, disease, or depression.

How many women do you know living this reality?

Is This What Equality Was Supposed to Look Like?

Is this what freedom and empowerment were meant to be? A life of exhaustion, loneliness and stress? For some women, circumstances left no choice—they had to do it all. And for that, I have nothing but respect.

But what if there’s another way?

Here’s a simple truth when it comes to men and relationships:

👉 Men love happy women.

Not overwhelmed, anxious, bossy, or exhausted women—just happy ones. And no, happiness doesn’t mean weak or powerless. It means fulfilled, peaceful, and aligned with who you truly are.

Re-calibrating how you operate in life is possible. I see it with my clients every week.

On my latest podcast (#80), my guest Jeanette Ortega—a fitness expert and life coach—shares her journey of breaking free from the stress and burnout that nearly cost her everything. Spoiler: Being a “badass babe” wasn’t the answer.

Go check it out on my website or listen here. You might just discover your own power in the process.

—Andre

In our culture, which has become increasingly feminized over the past few decades, the dominant communication style being encouraged is the feminine one—verbal expression. Speaking is women’s primary mode of communication with men, women, and children alike. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. However, it’s important to recognize that:

“Speaking is a feminized paradigm, NOT a masculine paradigm in communication.”

Men, of course, do talk, but much less than women and for different reasons. Verbal expression is simply not a natural or preferred mode of communication for men. For women, this can feel like a problem:

“I only get a one-word answer. I don’t know what’s going on inside him—what he’s thinking or how he feels about me.”

Because speaking is such a natural and fulfilling way for women to connect, they often insist that men “should” be more talkative, open, and vulnerable with their thoughts and emotions. However, since men do not need verbal communication for connection—but instead use it mainly to exchange data or information—this often leads women to conclude that men are shallow, selfish, uncaring, or even defective.

That’s a big mistake.

These assumptions are not only inaccurate but completely misguided. Men do have deep feelings, but instinct compels them to keep emotions bottled up for self-preservation. For many men, revealing vulnerabilities can feel dangerous. This is an essential truth to understand about them.

Men Communicate Differently by Nature

For most men, talking is “work,” and they do it only when necessary. Long, emotional conversations or hours on the phone? That’s for your girlfriends, not your man—if he’s truly masculine. Deep down, you probably already know this.

Rather than making men wrong for their natural tendencies, it’s important to understand them and find a middle ground. Demanding that a man communicate like a woman will never work. If you’ve tried, you’ve likely experienced frustration. It’s not that he’s being a jerk—it’s that forcing him into a feminine style of communication is deeply disrespectful to his nature.

Imagine if men demanded that women stop talking so much because they found it irritating:

“You talk too much for no good reason. Get to the point already, I need you to stop talking unless you have something important to say.”

Can you imagine a man saying that? Yet that’s exactly what women do when they insist men communicate the way they do. Real men will never communicate like women, nor should they. Instead of resisting this reality, you can learn to appreciate and respect how men naturally express themselves—and in doing so, foster a stronger connection.

A Global Perspective on Communication

Other cultures seem to understand this dynamic better than the U.S. One of my clients, Michelle L., who grew up in France, shared her experience:

“I grew up in France and am better emotionally calibrated in the French way of embracing the feminine. That, mixed with understanding the more masculine, non-verbal, tactile communication style, works great!”

So, are you curious to learn how men naturally communicate—the way that feels most respectful and effective for them? Wouldn’t that be valuable insight?

Discover the Secrets to Effortless Communication

Join one of my programs and learn what truly works for men and why. Once you understand, everything becomes easier and more enjoyable.

As my clients often say:

“It’s so easy when you know what to do.”

Schedule your complimentary Breakthrough Call with me today:
https://projectequinox.net/contact/

On this call, we’ll identify what’s not working, explore your ultimate relationship goals, and determine how I can help you get there.

This call is my gift to you (a $397 value). Go for it!

– Andre

If you bought into the concept of sexual equality and you’re a woman, you probably have a hard time getting or keeping a relationship with men.

Why? Because men are in no way equal, alike, or even a little bit similar to women in who they are, what they do, what they find interesting, how they think and operate and what motivates them in life.

This is obvious to most men, but somehow it seems women miss it. They want men to be more like themselves, not understanding what that, in itself, will create for men. Wanting men to act or be like you (sweet, sensitive, talkative, in touch with his feelings) will have you collide with men and leave you feeling that he’s a jerk.

But he’s most likely not a jerk…he’s a man! If you make him wrong for who he is, he will experience you as a disrespectful woman, which will always have him respond negatively. He’ll blow up, or push back, or quietly walk away, sometimes forever. And you’ll blame him for it.

Making men wrong for being men is very popular nowadays, but it is not the way to attract men or get them to stick around. Why would they put up with that?

Equality does not work between men and women when it comes to a love relationship—it goes against nature entirely.

Some things just don’t exist in nature. Men will never be able to have babies. Is that wrong, or is it nature? Women don’t have testes. Is that wrong, or is it nature?

Men’s and women’s brains are as different as a penis and a vagina. There is no “equality” or similarities in how they appear and function. Is anything in the world more obvious? In the same way, men act and are motivated by a different survival system than women are.

The problem with sexual equality is that it creates competition, which kills intimacy and sensuality. Equal rights and equal pay are no-brainers, but equality in love kills a relationship.

Successful relationships are like ballroom dancers: the man leads, and the woman follows. This doesn’t mean she’s a doormat or has no say in the dynamic. It means she gets to hold her own while at the same time letting go of control. By trusting her partner and letting him lead, she gets to relax in her feminine essence, where she can enjoy his leadership and her natural flow.

Ironically, the more you let go, the more the man will step up in every facet of your life and relationship. Imagine a life with a man who takes on the responsibilities of work to allow his wife to work part-time. She’s the one who gets to be present to raise their kids and make a comfortable nest for all. For him, home becomes a soft place to land at the end of the day so he can recharge and go attack to fight the world again the next day.

If you fight for equality, the complementarity goes away. The man will have to fight to be respected, and the woman will have to nag to be cherished. At the end of it all, she’ll never feel cherished, and he’ll never feel respected, and things will unravel quickly. Two similarly polarized magnets pushing against each other never works!

What works is a complementary dynamic. Just like magnets, positive and negative attract each other powerfully. Same with ballroom dancers: together in opposition, they create a beautiful complete unit, where he gets to lead and feel like a gentleman, and she gets to follow and feel like a lady. This works naturally, and it’s beautiful to watch. You can see it in couples who have it. It’s a joy to watch.

Hope this helps,

Andre