Short answer: we don’t! Most good men are indeed interested in building long-term relationships based on trust, love, and commitment.

Then why does it seem that men are only interested in sex?

This may be because modern women have made it more accessible than ever. For the women who are looking for that long-term relationship, what they should realize when searching for a man, is that in order for him to want to protect you and cherish you for life, he must EARN your love. A good man will know that he is YOURS because he EARNED your love and respect, and your trust and affection. That makes YOU the valuable woman he will want to take care of. This is one MAJOR way men respond to women.

Men looking for long-term relationships are ultimately attracted to VIRTUE…not VAGINAS.

I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I didn’t make this up. If you give him “love” (sex) before he “earned it” you often will kill his momentum towards wanting to PROVIDE, PROTECT and CHERISH you. Yes, quick sex usually stunts his emotional investment in you at that moment.

In other words, sex will have him show up with his penis before his mind and stop him from connecting with his heart to go further emotionally. If you’ve been with a man for years and he has no desire to marry you, guess what may be going on. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care for you, but he may just be hanging out until he finds a woman who values herself more. He will be a lot more willing to earn that woman’s love.

Ouch!

This will leave you with a guy who loves to roll around naked…and doesn’t have to do anything for you because he never had a chance to truly WANT TO, because of his lack of emotional attachment. Get it? Same guy with two different results because you slept with him too quickly.

The modern woman has been conned into thinking that sex will get men close to them and then he’ll fall for you…. but it doesn’t happen that way for most men. Author Tracie McMillan says it best: “It’s like working a temp job hoping you’ll get hired full time because you’re so valuable. Hum No! You’re a temp!”

Your need for intimacy may be the killer pill.…can you see it?

Boys, not men, will love you for the easy, quick, free sex, but these guys will never truly take care of you.

They just won’t and they don’t want to.

Think back and look over your history with men. Can you spot them? They get what they want without working for it and/or having to earn your love. They hang out for a while…then disappear. Boys do not want the responsibility for your happiness. A good man will.  (You should read that phrase again). It becomes a problem when your relationship with a good man goes down the toilet. You often feel used, resentful, and angry and you’ll blame him for the downfall.

This situation is created without knowing what you triggered with the quick sex in the first place. Sex after the third or fourth date is too fast to build something on (unless sex is all you want, then go for it). He got lucky. That’s what he’ll tell his friends. Quick sex will get his attention and he’ll stick around for more… because Hell, you’re easy! Unfortunately, it will usually not get you his affection. Not long-term. You’re a temp!

I think the worst of all is what happens to these young women each time they have casual sex or hook up. A small part of them– a piece of their heart, goes away with that guy. I want to make this clear…Ladies, when you have sex, a piece of your heart goes away with that guy when he leaves. Stay with that for a moment… So eventually, in the name of freedom and easy sex, women, who buy into the idea of extreme sexual liberation, end up feeling empty, used up, betrayed, and cannot trust or be vulnerable anymore. Worst of all… they cannot fall in love.

Virtue may be old-fashioned, but a good man– a man of character, looks for it. He will always hope for sex, for that’s most likely why he’s on a date with you in the first place. But if you hold back, he will have a chance to get his heart involved and see you as a woman who has boundaries and respect for herself. He will see you as a woman who can resist his charms and efforts to woo you out of your clothes. THAT is attractive to a man looking for a long-term relationship. A virtuous woman is safe for him to build a future with, and spend his energy, time, and resources on.

Sure, biologically speaking, men tend to have a greater sex drive than women do. But men aren’t just looking for sex all the time unless, of course, that’s the first thing that you choose to give them.

-Andre Paradis

What does it take to kill a man’s attraction? 

In my coaching practice, I often hear about things that my clients do to try to win a man’s attention and affection that make me cringe knowing what occurs for men in those instances.

Though these women are totally well-intentioned in doing these things, their actions have a completely adverse reaction on the men that they desire. This is hugely important ladies. What you tend to do naturally to him or for him, you

What you tend to do naturally to him or for him, you do, because it would work perfectly well on you. These things would make you feel connected and close to him.

If a man did this to you…. YOU WOULD LOVE IT !!!

The problem is, what works for you actually pushes him away.

Here’s how:

Have you ever done these things when you were attracted to a man?

-Initiated contact, text, email, or social media, because you wanted him to know you were thinking of him or were wondering if you’d see him soon?

-Made plans for him to show you care: Picked the restaurant, planned a date, cleaned his house, dropped his dry cleaning, walked his dog while he slept in?

-Gave him advice. You know, spent hours talking, listening to his problems, and offering “analysis” of what you think he needed to do or feel better in life?

-Bought him cute gifts, offered back rubs, and performed a variety of “nice” gestures so he could feel loved and connected to you?

-Told him that you were the only one who truly gets and understands him?

-Said “I love you” before he did?

Now you may be wondering, “How can any of this be a turnoff? These are all wonderful, caring things to do for someone.”

Right? WRONG!!!

These things are wonderful for women but repel men. Especially in the beginning stage of the relationship.

Next thing you know…he starts feeling and acting distant, calls and texts less and less, and eventually, he’s gone.

Now you are wondering if there is maybe something wrong with you.

Why do they keep disappearing?

As a man, it is easy to understand why this happens.

You see, men are internally motivated. What this means is men do exactly whatever they want to do and are not very interested in explaining themselves or their reasoning. That is the core of being a Masculine being. So, a masculine man, who likes you and wants to be with you or build something with you, will naturally and automatically put energy and effort toward you. He will reach out, call, text, make plans to see you, and take you out. All along gauging how being around you feels to him, how good he feels with you, how fun you are, how compatible with his values or lifestyle you are. If you “get” him (this one is HUGE). This all happens without any effort or manipulation from you. Next, the more he gets to know you, the more he likes you, the more he’s going to want to be around you. Make sense right?

In short, he wants to check if you “get” him (this one is HUGE).

This all happens without any effort or manipulation from you. Next, the more he gets to know you, the more he likes you, the more he’s going to want to be around you. Makes sense right?

Now, if you call him, text him, make plans for you to meet, see a movie, or whatever, you take away his “job” to think about you and make plans for you both. You see… He has to want to be with you for it to “work”. That’s how he builds that internal connection to you. It starts with HIM.

Reach out to him and make plans for him and you kill his “wanting” to be with you. The worst thing about this is if you keep going after him and you make it easy for him to be with you or to “have” you…guess what? You will get his attention but ultimately, you as a woman, will never really know if he really likes you.
He’ll stick around for the sex…sure. No brainer but…what did he really have to do to get you?

This is why you’ll be with a guy for a few weeks or months and all of a sudden …he’s gone. It’s not even that he lost interest…it’s more likely that he didn’t really have it in the first place, or you killed it before he could find out.

He moves on…you are heartbroken. It all really sucks!

This is why you don’t chase MEN…it just doesn’t work!

The BOYS like to be chased. The little boys want you to do all the work. A masculine man DOES NOT! He may be flattered for a moment but next, you are coming after him will be awkward and eventually just irritating. It keeps him from showing up in his natural masculine ways. Men want to feel like men around you.

Ladies, it’s easy: DO NOTHING!

If he likes you…. he’ll come after you. This is hard for you because your instinct to connect is very, very strong…I get it!

Still, DO NOTHING!

This way at least you’ll know when he comes after you that he really likes you.

Works for him, works for you.
Win-Win.

Let the man be the man!

Wow! What a concept huh?

Better yet, focus on being feminine. That’s what he’s attracted to. A feminine woman… not a dude in a skirt. You go after him…. you’re the dude. Masculine men aren’t interested in that!

I can’t say it anymore simply.

-Andre Paradis

What actually makes a relationship last? 

After decades of study and watching divorce rates climb radically, the answer is clear. Long-term relationships don’t survive on hope, romance, or “finding the one.” They survive on three essentials. So, what are the essentials for healthy, long lasting relationships? 

Chemistry. Compatibility. Communication. 

Miss one, and the relationship eventually collapses. It is crucial to talk about, as the elements of having good chemistry, compatibility, and communication will bring harmony and peace back between men and women. 

The 3 C’s for Deeper Love and Relationships: Explained 

1. Chemistry (Lust)

Chemistry is the spark. The attraction. The biological pull. It happens when your pheromones get excited by the other person’s pheromones. This cannot be cultivated or manipulated, it’s God given, you have it for someone or you don’t. 

It’s real, it’s powerful, and it’s necessary for a relationship to last. Your nervous system recognizes something in the other person, often before logic shows up. That’s why chemistry can be quickly intoxicating. 

But here’s the trap:
Too much chemistry destroys relationships. 

When chemistry runs wild, you stop being authentic. You abandon boundaries. You confuse intensity with compatibility. Sooner than later, that emotional high crashes, usually in conflict, chaos, or a dramatic breakup. 

Think back to the last time you thought you found your “soulmate.”
How long did that last? 

Chemistry opens the door. It does not build the house. 

2. Compatibility (Like)

Compatibility is what allows two lives to actually fit together. 

Shared values.
Aligned lifestyles.
Similar views on money, family, children, religion, health, and daily rhythms. 

This is the part most people often neglect because it’s not sexy, but it’s what determines whether a relationship is sustainable or end. 

You can love someone deeply and still be fundamentally incompatible.
That doesn’t make either person wrong, it makes the match wrong. 

3. Communication (Love)

This is the foundation. And it’s where most relationships fail. 

Communication governs: 

• How you negotiate your wants and needs respectfully

• How you set boundaries and say no 

• How you resolve conflict respectfully

• How you negotiate time, space, money, sex, chores, support, and expectations 

It’s not romantic, but it’s everything. In order to maintain a healthy and long-lasting relationship, having good communication skills are essential. This includes how you talk, make deals, are  able to ask for what you want and what you don’t want, and negotiate time, space, money, sex, support, play, chores, and so on. 

Without strong communication, chemistry destabilizes and compatibility never gets fully revealed.

The Real Problem 

Communication is the C we fail at most. 

I know, no one wants to hear that. But years of research and lived experience make it undeniable. 

I began studying this for one reason:
I didn’t want my marriage to become another divorce statistic. 

I was committed. I loved my wife. And yet, we kept ending up in conflict I couldn’t explain. 

Something was happening that I couldn’t see. 

What I Finally Understood 

Men and women are not the same. 

1. Men and Women don’t function, feel, need, want, and respond the same way. After learning about the specific way that women think and act, I realized that it did not line up in ANY way… at all. Whoa!
2. I also learned that the way we talk, the way we listen don’t line up either. 

We don’t think the same.

We don’t listen the same.                                                                                                                                                  
We don’t feel the same.
We don’t communicate the same.
We don’t process feelings, logic, stress, intimacy, or conflict the same. 

Once I truly understood how women think and operate emotionally, I realized something shocking: 

Her internal world didn’t resemble mine at all.
Not even close. 

We may as well be different species. 

And the problem isn’t the difference, it’s pretending those differences don’t exist. 

Ultimately, regardless of how we differ, we need to embrace these differences and really try to understand the radical gap between Men and Women and come together to relate and communicate effectively. 

The Missing Truth 

Healthy relationships are built on complementarity, not sameness. 

Not equality of sameness, but balance of strengths. 

Here are a few fundamental differences every couple must understand: 

• Women follow feelings; men don’t trust feelings. 

• Women connect through talking; men talk to exchange information. 

• Women need to feel good to do good; men need to do good to feel good. 

• Women want to talk things through; men want to fix or move on. 

• Women need emotional connection before sex; men bond through sex. 

• Women’s happiness is rooted in the quality of their relationships. 

• Men’s happiness is rooted in purpose, achievement, and providing. 

• Women feel depressed when they give but don’t receive. 

• Men feel depressed when they feel irrelevant or not needed. 

The Takeaway 

Understanding and honoring these differences is not optional; it’s essential. 

Chemistry brings you together.
Compatibility keeps you aligned.
Communication keeps you connected. 

Master all three, and relationships stop feeling confusing, exhausting, and fragile, but start feeling grounded, purposeful, and deeply fulfilling. 

Creating deeper connections and deeper love. 

–Andre Paradis