Okay, here we go again. What if “badass” is just bad??? This one’s specifically for women. It seems so anti-cultural just to think that or say that out loud, doesn’t it? In a world and a culture that encourages ALL women to “lean in”, push, conquer and compete like Men, no one seems to have taken the time to ask, is it really a good idea? What is the downside? Don’t fool yourselves, there’s a good side and a downside to EVERYTHING we choose. There just is! So, what could possibly be bad about women being strong, independent, and powerful? They only gain when they make money, are assertive, confident, in charge, and in control, right?

Well, let’s walk it through and see. Let’s start with what it takes just to be competitive as women. Dr. John Gray (author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) has conducted research that shows that in a “normal” work week where women have to get up early, get ready, get in the car, fight traffic, park, get to the office, handle work pressure, demands and expectations, deadlines, budgets projections, company projections and/or future, production demands, competing with co-workers, meeting job expectations, dealing with the boss and/or difficult people at work, getting back in the car, back in traffic, and back home, the stress of taking care of the home, their stress level rises up to SIX times higher than men’s stress in doing the very same things. SIX times!!!! Think about that for a moment.

So why or how is this happening? Well, interestingly enough, it goes back to chemical differences between men’s and women’s bodies. See, on a man, “normal” stress is actually good and very effective. There’s a “getting on point” that happens with the pressure of what needs to be done, accomplished, or produced. This kind of lower stress level makes men’s brains sharper, quicker, alert, and more capable to handle and get things done. Best part for men is, it’s the working, producing, competing, winning, and “getting things done” that triggers the production of testosterone that supports their energy. It’s this testosterone that actually reduces stress in men. It stabilizes the nervous system in men with a feeling of accomplishment that chemically soothes the soul. What a fantastic design!

Another interesting fact: you’ll see the exact opposite in men who don’t work or don’t have their lives in order. They are edgy, anxious, irritable, and very often both emotionally AND financially unstable. Everything seems to set them off. This is caused by low testosterone which gets overridden by higher levels of estrogen. This more feminine hormonal cocktail makes them unstable, moody, and unpredictable. Mood swings in men are a result of the lack of testosterone in their system (the mood equalizer).

On a woman’s body, stress is just destructive, period! Stress robs her of her energy and has a very negative impact on her physiology. The stress and anxiety in her body come from adrenaline (not testosterone) which her adrenal glands release when under pressure. This chemical release gives her a rush of energy to push through the day…every day. As a result, the hormone cortisol is produced next, as a by-product induced by the stress of competition, challenge, meetings, deadlines etc. This messes up her digestive system and she soon loses control of her body weight no matter what she eats or how much she exercises. Next, she’ll develop difficulties in sleeping or staying asleep and over time cannot truly recover or ever feel rejuvenated. This adds even more stress on her nervous system. She’ll become overwhelmed, anxious, worried, which not only will affect her, but she’ll also create tension all around her with her peers, friends, family, everyone. She loses her sense of self, her spirit fades, all of the vitality and warmth disappears from her eyes. She will become unsatisfied and unfulfilled in life, and she’ll be mostly unhappy. Eventually she’ll have to stop, or her body will physically stop her by falling prey to various kinds of sickness, disease, and even cancer. How many women like this do you know?

Sigh! Is this liberating? Is this what they meant when they called for equality? Is this the good life they promised it would be? Sounds horrible to me. Why would this be encouraged to become the “new normal”? This seems like a HUGE price to pay: Independent… and usually lonely and not so happy.

For some of you ladies, it was your life circumstances. No one to help, support or cherish you. You had to do it all yourselves and for that, I’m truly sorry.

What I’m offering is a different option and to reconsider how you may want the rest of your life to be.

Here’s a simple reminder when it comes to men and relationships with women.

“Men love happy women!!!”

Not edgy, anxious, overwhelmed, angry, bossy, pushy, or disrespectful…happy!

This may require a recalibration of the way you operate in life and in the world.

Good news is. It’s absolutely possible! It takes some serious dedication, but yes, absolutely possible. I do it with my clients week after week. Something to think about.

My guest on our podcast #80 this week was exactly this woman who experienced the same stress, burnout, and bossiness that eventually came at the cost of her relationship. Turns out that “badass” may actually be just bad, for most women. I see it daily in my work. Guest star Jeanette Ortega, fitness expert and life coach, shares her inspiring story of before and after. It’s a beautiful journey of how she really discovered her true power…(spoiler!) “badass babe” was not it!

I love it, go check it out!

It’s posted on my website in the podcast section to take a listen, or get to it here. 

-Andre

In our culture, which has become extremely “feminized” in the past few decades, the “go to” communication style constantly being encouraged is the feminine style. And that style is – to speak.

Speaking is women’s favorite style of communication with men, women, children, everyone! In itself, there’s nothing wrong with that. However, let me say that,

“Speaking is a feminized paradigm, NOT a Masculine paradigm in communications”

Men of course do talk, can talk, and will talk, but much much less than women, and also for different reasons. It is simply NOT a natural or preferred choice for communication in general for men. For women, this is often seen as “the problem” with men.

“I only get a one-word answer, I don’t know what’s going on inside him, what he’s thinking, how he feels about me”

Since speaking is so natural, easy, and a huge source of connection for women, they often insist that men “should” be more talkative, open, and vulnerable with their thoughts, emotions, and inner feelings like women. But since men DON’T NEED to talk for connection, but rather use talking almost solely to exchange data or information, women often conclude that men are shallow, selfish, uncaring, and even defective.

That’s a big mistake ladies.

These assumptions are both absolutely inaccurate AND right down wrong. Men have feelings, very deep feelings, however, instinct has men compelled to keep them bottled up for their safety. Revealing your weaknesses may prove deadly is how it feels. That’s probably the first thing to remember about men.

Next, men simply communicate differently in nature and by nature. Talking is “work” for most men and they do it as needed only. Three-hour conversations or long phone calls are for your girlfriends, not your man {if he’s really a man). Sorry. But you all know this on some level.

I’m suggesting that we don’t make men wrong for the way they’re wired, rather understand why that is and how to meet each other somewhere in the middle.

You cannot insist or demand he does it your way. That will never work. Think back, you probably have experienced this. It’s not that he’s a jerk, it’s that it’s absolutely disrespectful to his very being.

Imagine if men went around demanding that women stop all their clucking simply because it’s irritating?

“You talk too much for no good reason, I need you to stop and be quiet unless you have something worth sharing or talking about.” 

Can you Imagine any man saying that? Well, that’s what you do to men by insisting that they operate like women. Real men will never communicate in the way women do or want them to. You have to respect that. You want to learn to flex and learn to appreciate HIS way and style of communicating if you want more. Then, learn to meet somewhere in the middle. That is what successful couples do.

Other parts of the world seemingly understand this better than the U.S.

Here’s an example of that from a client who lives here now:

“I grew up in France and am better emotionally calibrated to the French embrace of the feminine, that, mixed in with understanding the more masculine, non-verbal, tactile communication style works great!”.

Michelle L.

So, is anyone curious to know how men communicate naturally?

The respectful way? The way that works for him best.

Wouldn’t that be something great to know?

Come join any of my programs, learn what works for men and why.

Once you know, it all becomes really fun.

“It’s so easy when you know what to do”

Is what my clients say after their program.

Make an appointment to schedule your complimentary Breakthrough call with me here

https://projectequinox.net/contact/

We’ll see what’s not working, what your big dream is, and how I can get you there.

This call is my gift to you. (worth $397)

Go for it!!

-Andre

Click here to access my interview with VoyageLA!

Click here to access LIFEBLOOK.LIVE Article with Podcast!

Click here to access SHOUT OUT LA!

If you bought into the concept of sexual equality and you’re a woman, you probably have a hard time getting or keeping a relationship with men.

Why? Because men are in no way equal, alike, or even a little bit similar to women in who they are, what they do, what they find interesting, how they think and operate and what motivates them in life.

This is obvious to most men, but somehow it seems women miss it. They want men to be more like themselves, not understanding what that, in itself, will create for men. Wanting men to act or be like you (sweet, sensitive, talkative, in touch with his feelings) will have you collide with men and leave you feeling that he’s a jerk.

But he’s most likely not a jerk…he’s a man! If you make him wrong for who he is, he will experience you as a disrespectful woman, which will always have him respond negatively. He’ll blow up, or push back, or quietly walk away, sometimes forever. And you’ll blame him for it.

Making men wrong for being men is very popular nowadays, but it is not the way to attract men or get them to stick around. Why would they put up with that?

Equality does not work between men and women when it comes to a love relationship—it goes against nature entirely.

Some things just don’t exist in nature. Men will never be able to have babies. Is that wrong, or is it nature? Women don’t have testes. Is that wrong, or is it nature?

Men’s and women’s brains are as different as a penis and a vagina. There is no “equality” or similarities in how they appear and function. Is anything in the world more obvious? In the same way, men act and are motivated by a different survival system than women are.

The problem with sexual equality is that it creates competition, which kills intimacy and sensuality. Equal rights and equal pay are no-brainers, but equality in love kills a relationship.

Successful relationships are like ballroom dancers: the man leads, and the woman follows. This doesn’t mean she’s a doormat or has no say in the dynamic. It means she gets to hold her own while at the same time letting go of control. By trusting her partner and letting him lead, she gets to relax in her feminine essence, where she can enjoy his leadership and her natural flow.

Ironically, the more you let go, the more the man will step up in every facet of your life and relationship. Imagine a life with a man who takes on the responsibilities of work to allow his wife to work part-time. She’s the one who gets to be present to raise their kids and make a comfortable nest for all. For him, home becomes a soft place to land at the end of the day so he can recharge and go attack to fight the world again the next day.

If you fight for equality, the complementarity goes away. The man will have to fight to be respected, and the woman will have to nag to be cherished. At the end of it all, she’ll never feel cherished, and he’ll never feel respected, and things will unravel quickly. Two similarly polarized magnets pushing against each other never works!

What works is a complementary dynamic. Just like magnets, positive and negative attract each other powerfully. Same with ballroom dancers: together in opposition, they create a beautiful complete unit, where he gets to lead and feel like a gentleman, and she gets to follow and feel like a lady. This works naturally, and it’s beautiful to watch. You can see it in couples who have it. It’s a joy to watch.

Hope this helps,

Andre

That is how you should approach them. 

As a coach, I often get while talking to men that they think Women are too emotional, illogical, unreasonable, disrespectful, and often right down …crazy (Sorry). Gee, I wonder why we have problems.

Funny thing is, Men will describe themselves as “not that complicated” and easy to understand.

Well, that’s not true. There are very complex things that have Men function in very specific ways that are not obvious at all…especially to Women.

So, for Men to discard Women’s reactions or feelings as erratic or illogical is as helpful as saying “Men are stupid because they can only do one thing at a time.”

Men, I’m here to tell you that if you don’t understand Women’s actions and behaviors, you are setting yourselves up for a world of pain. I’m sure you’ve experienced some of this with Women already. Think about the past for a minute… ever asked yourself, “What is wrong now?” or “Now she’s not talking to me, and I have no idea why!” Right?

Then you ask, “Are you okay?” and she answers, “ I’m fine” when she obviously isn’t, but now you think she’s playing games and you get annoyed. You ask her one more time a little more frustrated than before. She gives you the same answer… now you’re mad and neither leave the room nor the house.

Men, when it comes to Women, I suggest that you approach the whole thing like you would if you had to do business in a foreign culture (BTW it’s equally as important for Men to approach Women like this, as well).

Let me explain.

If you were to fly into Asia for business, you would find a hundred “codes of behaviors” that do not apply to our Western world ways. Does that mean that these codes are insignificant or that they are not important? No. They may be odd to you and me, but if you want to succeed in Asia, you better learn the culture, traditions, and communication styles – both business and personal if you want a chance to succeed in that culture on any level. It’s obvious, right? Studying their cultural style and their “ways” before even going there would be very smart and respectable…and the best way to a successful transaction, deal, or experience.

That’s exactly how you want to approach Women. You must know what works for Women in order to succeed with Women (and yes, they have to learn about you, too). Knowing how Women function, how their feelings run the show, and why they operate the way they do, is the loving and respectful way to be with Women. It’s also the way to get anything and everything you want and need from Women.

Do I have your attention?

Men, you have the power to turn Women into sweet, fun, respectful and loving, feminine creatures and to have them support you the way you want them to when you understand how they function and what works for them… can you beat that?

Have you noticed that the things that are important to you and that motivate your actions really don’t line up with the things that are important to her and motivate her? I mean…not even close!

The problem is when we, Men, don’t understand Women, we often try to fix or manage them like Men. Which never works…have you noticed?

We want Women to be straightforward, cool-headed, emotionally predictable, and to not take things personally…well that’s all fine but that’s not a woman…that’s your buddy.

If you want even and predictable…hang with your boys. But that won’t bring you closer to understanding women.

Not understanding or valuing women’s emotions will have you to lose every time.

Telling her to stop feeling what she’s feeling won’t get you far either… you’re more likely to end up in the doghouse again wondering what happened.

You see, Women are giant “orgasmotrons.” Everything they see, hear, smell, taste, and touch make them feel good or bad. On the spot, immediately. Moment to moment, how she feels is how she experiences life and that is her inescapable reality…ALL THE TIME!!!

They have no choice about this, it isn’t a decision… it just is.

A woman must feel good to do good, A man must do good to feel good.

Complete opposition, completely different machines.

If Men need to be respected by Women to be good in the world, then a smart, caring Man generously will learn to cherish women’s feelings as much as he can regardless of how illogical, irrational, and ever-irritating it may seem for Men. This is not easy or obvious to you, but it works.

Do this and Women will show up in your world with love, grace, femininity, and connection in a way you have never imagined possible.

Andre

That is how you should approach them.

As a coach, I often sense while talking to women that they feel men are shallow or lack depth because they usually don’t talk very much, or when they do, it’s filled with data and cold facts, which must mean that they’re not very deep or caring either, right? Wrong!

Ladies, I’m here to tell you that if you don’t understand Men’s actions and behaviors, you are setting yourselves up for a world of hurt. I’m sure you’ve experienced this with Men already. Think about the past for a minute, ever asked yourself, “What was he thinking?” or “I can’t believe he did that (or said that)!” Right?

Then you call your girlfriend to try to figure out what that all meant…. but your girlfriend doesn’t have a Man’s brain. She doesn’t think or operate like a Man; she operates and thinks like you. So how will that help you understand Men? You are both most likely to come to the worst conclusion that will be off by a mile from what your Man’s true reasons were to begin with.

When it comes to Men, I suggest that you approach the whole thing like you would if you had to do business in a foreign culture (BTW it’s equally as important for Men to approach Women like this, as well).

Let me explain.

If you were to fly into Japan for business, you would find a hundred “codes of behaviors” that may not apply to our Western world ways. Does that mean that these codes are insignificant or that they are not important? No. They may be odd to you and me, but if you want to succeed in Japan, you’d better learn the culture, traditions, and communication styles – both business and personal if you want a chance to succeed with that culture on any level. It’s obvious, right? Studying their cultural style and their “ways” before even going to the country would be very smart and respectable… and the best way to a successful transaction, deal, or experience.

That’s exactly how you want to approach Men. You must know what works for Men in order to succeed with Men (and yes, they have to learn about you, too). Knowing how Men function, how they think, and why they operate the way they do, is the respectful way to be with Men. It’s also the way to get anything and everything you want and need from Men.

Do I have your attention?

Ladies, you have the power to have Men show up the way you need them to when you understand how they work and what works for them…. can you beat that?

Have you noticed that the things that are important to you and that motivate your actions really don’t line up with the things that are important to him and motivate him?

The problem for Men is when Women feel that their way is “the way”. To a Woman, if it feels wrong…it’s wrong!

Women can often be self-righteous about how Men “should” behave or what they “should” be like or care about in life.

This is typically not intentional– it’s just how it occurs. The problem lies in what it does to Men.

Women believe that Men should be sweet and kind and talkative AND connected to their feelings and emotions and …really??? No, that is a girlfriend. That’s what works for you… not him.

If you want a girlfriend, get a girlfriend.

If you want a Man, learn the culture of Men. There, you will find things like honor, integrity, accountability, respect, and loyalty, just to mention a few (yes, some men are broken or don’t live by these traits, but most do.)

These guys don’t play games– they take responsibility for themselves and their actions and choices, they know who they are, and they are looking for women who get them. Not women who make them wrong.

You can be attached to how Men “should” be…. or you can discover how great Men “can” be…and/or you can say you’re right and be alone.

Unlike popular belief, men think about everything, all the time. Yep!

This is because men hold themselves accountable for everything that they do. Big and small. Yes! Men pride themselves in what they do …and the processing of every decision is lengthy and profound. Men will process a thought or decision slowly and deeply and will eventually come out with a decision that may have taken hours or even days to get to. Yes, days sometimes.

Some women have figured this out and seem to get all the goodies with Men. You’ve seen them.

These women typically have put some effort into understanding the culture of Men… so that they can win and be in partnership with Men.

They have figured out how to operate in that culture and respectfully negotiate their wants and needs. By understanding and respecting the culture they get the best of Men and get to be cherished by all Men in the process.

Win-win. Isn’t that the point?

Andre

Short answer: we don’t! Most good men are indeed interested in building long-term relationships based on trust, love, and commitment.

Then why does it seem that men are only interested in sex?

This may be because modern women have made it more accessible than ever. For the women who are looking for that long-term relationship, what they should realize when searching for a man, is that in order for him to want to protect you and cherish you for life, he must EARN your love. A good man will know that he is YOURS because he EARNED your love and respect, and your trust and affection. That makes YOU the valuable woman he will want to take care of. This is one MAJOR way men respond to women.

Men looking for long-term relationships are ultimately attracted to VIRTUE…not VAGINAS.

I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I didn’t make this up. If you give him “love” (sex) before he “earned it” you often will kill his momentum towards wanting to PROVIDE, PROTECT and CHERISH you. Yes, quick sex usually stunts his emotional investment in you at that moment.

In other words, sex will have him show up with his penis before his mind and stop him from connecting with his heart to go further emotionally. If you’ve been with a man for years and he has no desire to marry you, guess what may be going on. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care for you, but he may just be hanging out until he finds a woman who values herself more. He will be a lot more willing to earn that woman’s love.

Ouch!

This will leave you with a guy who loves to roll around naked…and doesn’t have to do anything for you because he never had a chance to truly WANT TO, because of his lack of emotional attachment. Get it? Same guy with two different results because you slept with him too quickly.

The modern woman has been conned into thinking that sex will get men close to them and then he’ll fall for you…. but it doesn’t happen that way for most men. Author Tracie McMillan says it best: “It’s like working a temp job hoping you’ll get hired full time because you’re so valuable. Hum No! You’re a temp!”

Your need for intimacy may be the killer pill.…can you see it?

Boys, not men, will love you for the easy, quick, free sex, but these guys will never truly take care of you.

They just won’t and they don’t want to.

Think back and look over your history with men. Can you spot them? They get what they want without working for it and/or having to earn your love. They hang out for a while…then disappear. Boys do not want the responsibility for your happiness. A good man will.  (You should read that phrase again). It becomes a problem when your relationship with a good man goes down the toilet. You often feel used, resentful, and angry and you’ll blame him for the downfall.

This situation is created without knowing what you triggered with the quick sex in the first place. Sex after the third or fourth date is too fast to build something on (unless sex is all you want, then go for it). He got lucky. That’s what he’ll tell his friends. Quick sex will get his attention and he’ll stick around for more… because Hell, you’re easy! Unfortunately, it will usually not get you his affection. Not long-term. You’re a temp!

I think the worst of all is what happens to these young women each time they have casual sex or hook up. A small part of them– a piece of their heart, goes away with that guy. I want to make this clear…Ladies, when you have sex, a piece of your heart goes away with that guy when he leaves. Stay with that for a moment… So eventually, in the name of freedom and easy sex, women, who buy into the idea of extreme sexual liberation, end up feeling empty, used up, betrayed, and cannot trust or be vulnerable anymore. Worst of all… they cannot fall in love.

Virtue may be old-fashioned, but a good man– a man of character, looks for it. He will always hope for sex, for that’s most likely why he’s on a date with you in the first place. But if you hold back, he will have a chance to get his heart involved and see you as a woman who has boundaries and respect for herself. He will see you as a woman who can resist his charms and efforts to woo you out of your clothes. THAT is attractive to a man looking for a long-term relationship. A virtuous woman is safe for him to build a future with, and spend his energy, time, and resources on.

Sure, biologically speaking, men tend to have a greater sex drive than women do. But men aren’t just looking for sex all the time unless, of course, that’s the first thing that you choose to give them.

-Andre Paradis

What does it take to kill a man’s attraction? 

In my coaching practice, I often hear about things that my clients do to try to win a man’s attention and affection that make me cringe knowing what occurs for men in those instances.

Though these women are totally well-intentioned in doing these things, their actions have a completely adverse reaction on the men that they desire. This is hugely important ladies. What you tend to do naturally to him or for him, you

What you tend to do naturally to him or for him, you do, because it would work perfectly well on you. These things would make you feel connected and close to him.

If a man did this to you…. YOU WOULD LOVE IT !!!

The problem is, what works for you actually pushes him away.

Here’s how:

Have you ever done these things when you were attracted to a man?

-Initiated contact, text, email, or social media, because you wanted him to know you were thinking of him or were wondering if you’d see him soon?

-Made plans for him to show you care: Picked the restaurant, planned a date, cleaned his house, dropped his dry cleaning, walked his dog while he slept in?

-Gave him advice. You know, spent hours talking, listening to his problems, and offering “analysis” of what you think he needed to do or feel better in life?

-Bought him cute gifts, offered back rubs, and performed a variety of “nice” gestures so he could feel loved and connected to you?

-Told him that you were the only one who truly gets and understands him?

-Said “I love you” before he did?

Now you may be wondering, “How can any of this be a turnoff? These are all wonderful, caring things to do for someone.”

Right? WRONG!!!

These things are wonderful for women but repel men. Especially in the beginning stage of the relationship.

Next thing you know…he starts feeling and acting distant, calls and texts less and less, and eventually, he’s gone.

Now you are wondering if there is maybe something wrong with you.

Why do they keep disappearing?

As a man, it is easy to understand why this happens.

You see, men are internally motivated. What this means is men do exactly whatever they want to do and are not very interested in explaining themselves or their reasoning. That is the core of being a Masculine being. So, a masculine man, who likes you and wants to be with you or build something with you, will naturally and automatically put energy and effort toward you. He will reach out, call, text, make plans to see you, and take you out. All along gauging how being around you feels to him, how good he feels with you, how fun you are, how compatible with his values or lifestyle you are. If you “get” him (this one is HUGE). This all happens without any effort or manipulation from you. Next, the more he gets to know you, the more he likes you, the more he’s going to want to be around you. Make sense right?

In short, he wants to check if you “get” him (this one is HUGE).

This all happens without any effort or manipulation from you. Next, the more he gets to know you, the more he likes you, the more he’s going to want to be around you. Makes sense right?

Now, if you call him, text him, make plans for you to meet, see a movie, or whatever, you take away his “job” to think about you and make plans for you both. You see… He has to want to be with you for it to “work”. That’s how he builds that internal connection to you. It starts with HIM.

Reach out to him and make plans for him and you kill his “wanting” to be with you. The worst thing about this is if you keep going after him and you make it easy for him to be with you or to “have” you…guess what? You will get his attention but ultimately, you as a woman, will never really know if he really likes you.
He’ll stick around for the sex…sure. No brainer but…what did he really have to do to get you?

This is why you’ll be with a guy for a few weeks or months and all of a sudden …he’s gone. It’s not even that he lost interest…it’s more likely that he didn’t really have it in the first place, or you killed it before he could find out.

He moves on…you are heartbroken. It all really sucks!

This is why you don’t chase MEN…it just doesn’t work!

The BOYS like to be chased. The little boys want you to do all the work. A masculine man DOES NOT! He may be flattered for a moment but next, you are coming after him will be awkward and eventually just irritating. It keeps him from showing up in his natural masculine ways. Men want to feel like men around you.

Ladies, it’s easy: DO NOTHING!

If he likes you…. he’ll come after you. This is hard for you because your instinct to connect is very, very strong…I get it!

Still, DO NOTHING!

This way at least you’ll know when he comes after you that he really likes you.

Works for him, works for you.
Win-Win.

Let the man be the man!

Wow! What a concept huh?

Better yet, focus on being feminine. That’s what he’s attracted to. A feminine woman… not a dude in a skirt. You go after him…. you’re the dude. Masculine men aren’t interested in that!

I can’t say it anymore simply.

-Andre Paradis

What are the essentials for long, lasting relationships?

What are the 3 C’s and why are they important?

The 3 C’s are the three elements that are essential for a relationship to work: chemistry, compatibility, and communication. With divorce rates topping 68%, I think it is crucial to talk about these key elements as having good chemistry, compatibility, and communication will bring harmony and peace back between men and women.

Here are the 3 C’s for Deeper Love and Relationships:

1. Chemistry (Lust)

Chemistry is the first and most obvious element. You and your partner need to be physically attracted to one another in order to be in a relationship in the first place. Chemistry is biological. It happens when your DNA gets excited by the other person’s DNA. It is random but absolutely essential for a long-lasting love connection. Warning: too much chemistry, which will have you believe that you found your soulmate, will not work for a long-lasting love relationship. Too much chemistry will have you want and need this other person so much that you will not be able to stay authentic or levelheaded with that person which will eventually cause a collapse of the relationship, typically in a screaming match. (Just remember last time you thought you found your soulmate, the person that felt that you knew them instantaneously…how long did that last, and did it end?

2. Compatibility (Like)

Compatibility is the thing that has your lives “lined up” together, so to speak. You need compatibility in order to build a relationship. Things in life that fit both of you. Your values, lifestyles, same ideas on child-rearing, when you share similar beliefs about money. For some people, religions must match to go long term, etc.

3. Communication (Love)

Communication is what can make or break your relationship. In order to maintain a healthy and long-lasting relationship, having good communication skills is key. This includes how you communicate, make deals, being able to ask for what you want and what you don’t want, and negotiate time, space, money, sex, support, play, chores, and so on.

So, what is the real problem here?

The third element is the one that we fail at the most. Communication. I know it’s not sexy, but it is THE way to successful relationships, as made clear by the numerous amounts of data backing this up that I have studied for years.

I started researching this topic for my own sake and marriage. I didn’t want to be another casualty of divorce. I knew that I was committed to my wife and our future together, but even so, we often ended up in difficult situations that I couldn’t understand.

What was happening that I couldn’t see?

After some research, I came to understand a couple of extremely important things that once understood, really helped me navigate and eventually eradicate those difficult situations.

1. Men and Women don’t function, feel, need, want, and respond the same way. After learning about the specific way that Women think and act, I realized that it did not line up in ANY way with the way that I think and act at all. Whoa!
2. I also learned that the way we talk and how and why we choose to talk or share don’t line up either.

What’s going on??? Are we from the same planet? We might as well be different species, as we are in no way a version of each other. I mean, not even close!

Ultimately, regardless of how we differ, we need to embrace these differences and really try to understand the radical gap between Men and Women in order to come together to relate and communicate effectively. Complimentary dynamic is the magic. Not equality…big difference!

Here are some main differences that I would like to leave with you:

Women are all about their feelings, Men don’t trust feelings.

Women connect emotionally with “talking,” Men talk to pass on data, period.

Women have to feel good to do good, Men have to do good to feel good.

Women want to hear all about it, Men don’t want to talk about it.

Women need to feel connected to have sex, Men connect with sex.

Women’s happiness resides in the state of their relationships; all their relationships. Men’s happiness resides in their accomplishments and their ability to provide for and protect their loved ones.

Women get depressed when they feel like all they do is give but that they don’t get back while Men get depressed when they feel no one needs them.

Understanding and sharing these differences is the first step towards creating successful long-lasting relationships. Along with chemistry, compatibility and communication are the most important and the least understood dynamic at hand.

-Andre Paradis