Good morning, everyone. Andre Paradis, your coach. I am just going to do this short recording to answer a question that comes around to me from the ladies all the time. And the question is:
How to find a good man?
That is a good question.
I think it’s funny to think that “(good) men are rare,” because I don’t think it is the case. I get this question weekly– daily sometimes. So, I think first we need to define what that means. What’s a good man? I’m going to guess that that question means how to find a good man for a relationship. So how do you find a good man for a relationship?
First, I think we need to define what a good man is and some of the very traditional qualities that women like in men. Stuff like reliability, honesty, character, integrity and a good sense of humor. By the way, a sense of humor is attached to being intelligent so these two go together. Also, being capable, independent, confident, kind, passionate – which means he has a drive and a purpose in life – and faithful. These are the big ones.
So where are these guys? And I say very naturally, very easily: they’re everywhere! Now, if you’ve been following me for a while, you understand that in my world, there are three types of men: There are men, guys, and boys.
Boys, I would say do not fit in the category of good men because they’re not traditional. They don’t want to work and they don’t want to take care of anybody.
Guys are somewhere in the middle. Men (and they are still everywhere) are traditional. They want traditional values. One thing that I think ladies are struggling with in our culture, is women want traditional men with these traditional values to provide, protect, cherish, build, and give to the feminine. However, women, in big numbers in our culture, don’t want to be traditional women. This is, I think, where the disconnect is.
So, it’s not a matter of, how to find a good man, or why is it difficult to find a good man, or finding a good man is such a challenge because… or how do you find a good guy? Let’s stop that. The question is, what is it that good men, who typically are more traditional, what are they looking for in women?
If they’re a good man, they know exactly what works for them, what they are looking for in a woman, in a traditional woman to build a traditional life. Because good men want relationships. Good men want marriage. Good men want children. Good men pride themselves on building themselves a kingdom and taking care of everyone in that kingdom. That’s what good men do, so they are everywhere. However, how do you signal to a good man that you are what he’s looking for?
That’s what you want to look at. So, when I hear: Why can’t I find a good man? I often go to: What are you offering for a good man to want to step in and spend his time, his energy, his resources, his money on you. What are you offering?
And again, it’s pretty traditional. Traditional men want traditional women with traditional values. So, they value marriage. They value family and spirituality. They value building families, and they value women stepping into feminine roles. This is often mothering and supporting his life purpose, allowing him to fly and soar in life, and, in exchange, he will provide and protect her and his offspring forever.
That’s what good men do. Again, the question is not, where do you find a good man? It is, what are you offering to a good man who will attract them to you?
Men know what they want. Men know what works and what doesn’t work. Men know yes and no, when it comes to women, and again, you want to rethink this. I think because the culture is not helping you, ladies, lining up with those values that are traditional for men that you think are from the past.
So, there is a modern way, I call it a sweet spot. Traditional men want more traditional women with a modern twist because we live in modern times. So, I am not talking about going back to the fifties, but there is a way and good men are out there everywhere.
The question is: How do you become visible on men’s radar for them to then focus on you, investigate and see if you’re building material; if you are a woman who they could build a life with?
This is really where you want to pay attention. What is the buyer buying? Men are the buyers. You want to pay attention to what the buyer is buying? Otherwise, he’s not buying.
Hope that helps.
Let me know how that resonates.