Hello everyone. Thanks for joining. If you’re here, you’re either a follower of mine or you’re on a quest to understanding male and female dynamics and communication styles. This is a little short video that will be dedicated to communication styles, and more specifically, the differences between male and female communication.
Very, very interesting. We understand and we have a sense of that. We know we’re different, but the details and the mechanics of it escapes us. So I’ll try to break it down for you guys to kind of help you understand how it occurs. So, the difference between male and female communications is typically this…
First of all, communication is fundamental in relationships. You know, the way we communicate as men and women is different. I actually call it two different languages. This may sound ridiculous because we’re speaking the same language, both speak English, however, do we really understand what we are saying? Typically no, because we don’t use the words in the same way. Let me explain.
Men tend to speak a lot more directly. We, men, tend to speak a lot more in a linear way. Men use much less words and typically get right to the point. No fluff, no frills, few adjectives. Women, on the other hand, use a lot more words! Here’s the data. Men speak about 7,000 words a day. Women speak about 20,000 words a day which is almost three times more! Different styles, right? So we’re talking again about the difference between male and female communication and the differences between men and female communication style.
So we think we’re communicating and we believe we’re communicating but often we miss the boat because we’re doing it very, very differently. So like I said, women will tend to use more words, be more descriptive, there’s more story, more introduction to the story, more connecting phrases. “how are you doing?” “how do you feel?” “How’s your week? How’s your mother? How’s your wife? How’s work?”
All of that typically shows up first when women speak, before getting into what they want to communicate, which often derails males because they’re wondering why all the niceties (especially in work matters) or what’s the reason for long the intro? Because there’s no point in that. What you need to understand is that men are always looking for the point when a woman is talking.
When males speak it’s to share or convey something that is either needed, important, relevant to something else, someone else or sometimes serious. They speak, as a rule, to exchange some data and this data and information is relevant or important for you or a situation. So men speak to share data and information, outside of that, they’re telling stories or cracking jokes. That’s it! Men don’t communicate or speak for connection whereas women talk mostly to create a connection or create a connection first before the data if there’s even data . Connection to women gives them a feeling of safety, this is something men don’t do or understand. So women tend to want to be pleasant, pleasing and caring to get a connection. However, men’s brains instantly are listening for, “what’s the point?” “What is the reason for this exchange?” “Wait, now she’s talking about something else… uh, so, is that the point?”
And what happens eventually is that you lose men’s attention and you lose their interest… you’ll see them glaze over because no point seems to be coming. This glazing over makes the feminine feel disconnected, which is the exact opposite of what she’s trying to do. She’s trying to connect with him but, unbeknownst to her, she uses so many words, so much so that he doesn’t know where it’s all going. It’s overwhelming to a men’s brain, so he pulls back, disconnects his attention, which freaks her out because that disconnect scares her somewhere deep inside. The disconnect makes her feel discarded or even rejected. She’ll think “he doesn’t want to hear what I’m saying, he probably doesn’t like me!”
So, instinctively, she talks more trying to reestablish the connection which overwhelmed him more and it goes straight down the toilet. And in the end if he decides to shut it all down or walk away, she thinks he’s a jerk. If they’re in a relationship, she’ll conclude that he doesn’t care for her, doesn’t respect or love her etc. So the differences between the male female communication styles are huge and we don’t understand them! We take it personally and we think the other one’s misbehaving. Right? And again, it’s not that! It’s the differences in males and females communications. If you don’t understand those, you’ll find yourself tripping around all the time.
We also understand that communication isn’t only speaking, it’s also listening. So we both speak differently and we listen differently. Isn’t it a kick in the head? So how does that work? I’m gonna give you one side of the equation. For males, they listen again to “what’s the point?” And they speak typically and naturally to get to the point. That’s how they do it.
Women speak for connection. So they speak a lot, use a lot of words with a lot of personal connection, combined with hints, innuendos, and tons of details… and they listen the same way. So when men speak directly, women wonder, “what’s he really trying to tell me?” Because that’s how women speak to each other; indirectly.
Tony Robbins has a class about this. He says women don’t say what they mean, It makes it sound like something is wrong with that but, it’s true. Women don’t say what they mean because they don’t speak directly. Women speak in hints and innuendos and a ton of details.. That’s how they communicate with each other. So for a woman, direct communication doesn’t register. they don’t listen to the words, they listen for what’s behind the words, the same way they do it with each other.” “What’s he really trying to tell me??” is how they listent.
So if a man says: “I don’t wanna go for dinner tonight” she may think, “what’s the problem?” Is he mad at me? Does he not want to go out with me? Is he trying to break up? What’s he trying to tell me?” Right? Men just say what they mean, directly versus indirectly! He speaks directly and to the point but she’s trying to figure out the meaning of his communication, as opposed to listening to the words that he’s actually using. It’s fascinating!
Another way that men listen to women is: If you’re upset, complaining or you’re mad, he’s listening for “what’s the problem?”. So too often, as a woman is talking and venting, the guy jumps in with trying to fix it, which infuriates the feminine who just wants to get it out of her.
So we don’t communicate the same and our communication styles are completely different. Men and women, different communication styles, different ways of listening, different ways of speaking, and we are not aware of that. Because again, we think that the other one is doing it the same way we do it. And that’s the basis of many many misunderstandings.
So, simply consider that it’s not understanding those differences that will mess you up. This is just one of the little things that I teach, You’ll know that this derailment happened because we’ll end up thinking the other one is misbehaving, not caring, doesn’t respect or care for us. Then things fall apart.
So voila! A little bit of input on how that all works. Hope you like it, hope you enjoyed it, and if you want more, follow me. I’m all over the place. Instagram, TikTok, under my name, Andre_Paradis, there’s a lot of material that I teach. @Projectequinox on Instagram, projectequinox.net is my website. My YouTube is connected to my website and there’s a lot of blogs on there as well. If you search my name on Google, you’ll find me all over the place,
The more you learn about men and women, the more you dismantle these behaviors, the smoother you will be able to build a healthy, long-term, loving relationship with another human.
If you need some help you can reach me directly, just go to andregroupcoaching.com. It’s a landing page that will take you to my calendar where you can book a VIP one hour exploratory call for either men or women. When you book the appointment, you’ll fill out a short questionnaire to help me prepare for our call. On that call we’ll talk about where you’re stuck, what’s not working for you and how I could help. It’s a great opportunity and it’s on me. It’s complimentary.
Come and get it and I’ll see you on the other side. Thanks so much!