Men Are a Foreign Culture
That is how you should approach them.
As a coach, I often sense while talking to women that they feel men are shallow or lack depth because they usually don’t talk very much, or when they do, it’s filled with data and cold facts, which must mean that they’re not very deep or caring either, right? Wrong!
Ladies, I’m here to tell you that if you don’t understand Men’s actions and behaviors, you are setting yourselves up for a world of hurt. I’m sure you’ve experienced this with Men already. Think about the past for a minute, ever asked yourself, “What was he thinking?” or “I can’t believe he did that (or said that)!” Right?
Then you call your girlfriend to try to figure out what that all meant…. but your girlfriend doesn’t have a Man’s brain. She doesn’t think or operate like a Man; she operates and thinks like you. So how will that help you understand Men? You are both most likely to come to the worst conclusion that will be off by a mile from what your Man’s true reasons were to begin with.
When it comes to Men, I suggest that you approach the whole thing like you would if you had to do business in a foreign culture (BTW it’s equally as important for Men to approach Women like this, as well).
Let me explain.
If you were to fly into Japan for business, you would find a hundred “codes of behaviors” that may not apply to our Western world ways. Does that mean that these codes are insignificant or that they are not important? No. They may be odd to you and me, but if you want to succeed in Japan, you’d better learn the culture, traditions, and communication styles – both business and personal if you want a chance to succeed with that culture on any level. It’s obvious, right? Studying their cultural style and their “ways” before even going to the country would be very smart and respectable… and the best way to a successful transaction, deal, or experience.
That’s exactly how you want to approach Men. You must know what works for Men in order to succeed with Men (and yes, they have to learn about you, too). Knowing how Men function, how they think, and why they operate the way they do, is the respectful way to be with Men. It’s also the way to get anything and everything you want and need from Men.
Do I have your attention?
Ladies, you have the power to have Men show up the way you need them to when you understand how they work and what works for them…. can you beat that?
Have you noticed that the things that are important to you and that motivate your actions really don’t line up with the things that are important to him and motivate him?
The problem for Men is when Women feel that their way is “the way”. To a Woman, if it feels wrong…it’s wrong!
Women can often be self-righteous about how Men “should” behave or what they “should” be like or care about in life.
This is typically not intentional– it’s just how it occurs. The problem lies in what it does to Men.
Women believe that Men should be sweet and kind and talkative AND connected to their feelings and emotions and …really??? No, that is a girlfriend. That’s what works for you… not him.
If you want a girlfriend, get a girlfriend.
If you want a Man, learn the culture of Men. There, you will find things like honor, integrity, accountability, respect, and loyalty, just to mention a few (yes, some men are broken or don’t live by these traits, but most do.)
These guys don’t play games– they take responsibility for themselves and their actions and choices, they know who they are, and they are looking for women who get them. Not women who make them wrong.
You can be attached to how Men “should” be…. or you can discover how great Men “can” be…and/or you can say you’re right and be alone.
Unlike popular belief, men think about everything, all the time. Yep!
This is because men hold themselves accountable for everything that they do. Big and small. Yes! Men pride themselves in what they do …and the processing of every decision is lengthy and profound. Men will process a thought or decision slowly and deeply and will eventually come out with a decision that may have taken hours or even days to get to. Yes, days sometimes.
Some women have figured this out and seem to get all the goodies with Men. You’ve seen them.
These women typically have put some effort into understanding the culture of Men… so that they can win and be in partnership with Men.
They have figured out how to operate in that culture and respectfully negotiate their wants and needs. By understanding and respecting the culture they get the best of Men and get to be cherished by all Men in the process.
Win-win. Isn’t that the point?